Jun 2, 2005

Sex In The News

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For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

VIAGRA CAUSES BLINDNESS???

Well, I can’t really let this one go by without some kind of comment, now can I? Are they sure they didn’t get Viagra mixed up with masturbation? I’ve heard of THAT causing blindness all my life. Does it cause hair to grow on your palms, too? Or maybe people are using Viagra to masturbate with.

Gee, it does seem like a waste of a perfectly good, rock solid dong on a hand that could care less! I don’t know. I guess I can’t blame Rosie Palm and Her Five Sister if they prefer rigid over flaccid. But THEY don’t have to worry about going blind, now do they?

I bet there are men out there who would rather go blind than give up their little blue miracle pill. I know I decided I was willing to risk brain cancer for my cell phone, so I can’t really throw stones.

If they could just figure out how masturbating could grow hair on your head (not that one, silly) instead of all over Rosie, now that would be an important breakthrough. Life isn’t fair, is it?

COP GETS JOB AND LOSES JOB ALL IN ONE DAY
or
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A MAN SCORNED

There’s a TV station here in Dallas who has acquired the BEST FILM FOOTAGE EVER of a Ft. Worth Police Officer (allegedly) getting head in his squad car by his married girlfriend. Okay, she could have been looking for something in his lap for ten minutes, but I don’t think finding a missing contact would make him smile that way.

Did I mention the officer was on duty and their cars were parked side by side at a public park in broad daylight? But, then again, Clinton was on duty while Monica was polishing his knob—and he didn’t get fired. It’s a precedent that may save this cop’s job!

Anyway, the offending footage was taken by a private investigator hired by the woman’s estranged husband. Besides confronting his wife with the footage, he also gave it to the police AND that local TV station to broadcast OVER and OVER and OVER again. (Look honey, I TIVOed it for you!)

The officer had no comment (no duh!) and is suspended until further investigation. The woman said, “It wasn’t me.”

Reminds me of that song by the same name AND my Mom’s sage advice: Don’t do anything in a public park in broad daylight you wouldn’t do standing on the pulpit--or something like that.

6 comments:

Duke_of_Earle said...

"No comment?"

What the cop should do is go on television, wag his finger at the camera, and state with conviction, "I - did - not - have - sexual - relations - with - that - woman."

It woulda worked for Bill, but for the infamous blue dress.

Karyn Lyndon said...

Gives a whole new meaning to the song "Devil With a Blue Dress On" doesn't it? Damn DNA...

Christina said...

Hilarious! Friday is the best day.

Karyn Lyndon said...

Thank you, Christina. I appreciate that, being rather fond of Fridays myself. My own daughter refuses to read on Freaky Friday...

(I don't know where she came from.)

Nankin said...

Well, you've heard the saying, "Men think with their crotch"?

Hamel said...

No comment? How about "Oh my god, oh my god, yes yes YES YES ahhhhh."