Dec 31, 2005

Happy New Year...Happy Anniversary

The For Sale sign's in the yard...let the house shopping begin. In the meantime we're on our way to our favorite hotel to celebrate our wedding anniversary. That's right, 29 years ago today (new year's eve) we were married. To celebrate I got a wrap of marquis diamonds to go with my original solitaire...very sparkley!

I hope everyone has a fun, safe new year's eve and a wonderful '06!

Dec 28, 2005

It's Ready

It's taken since Thanksgiving but we're finally prepared to put the house on the market. We were all set to sign on the dotted line with a realtor until my husband realized we had to pay them 6% of the total selling price (3% to the listing agent and 3% to the selling agent). He couldn't believe it! And I see his point. 6% of the money we actually walk away with would be fair...but 6% of the whole price seems outrageous. So I looked around for a realtor who charges less...and I found one! $1200 up front to the listing agent. But we have to sign before the end of the year because in 2006 they are no longer offering the flat fee deal. Why can't anything ever be easy?

It would be interesting to see how this all turns out if it wasn't my actual LIFE we're talking about. Sooooooo many decisions...a few more gray hairs.

Dec 26, 2005

What a Merry Christmas!


Here we are after our Delicious Christmas Surprise (see post below). The weather was gorgeous and the day was perfect including lots of presents and a luxurious nap in the afternoon. Hope everyone's day was a memorable as mine!

Dec 21, 2005

Delicious Christmas Surprise

Recently I received an e-mail chain letter instructing me to send the person on the top of the list a recipe and then add my e-mail address to the list and send to 10 friends...and so on...and so on...and so on...

Some people would think this is a lot of fun and a way to get some delicious new recipes...

I am not one of these people as I am less than handy around the kitchen. So this is the recipe I sent out on my e-mail:

Delicious Christmas Surprise

Note: This recipe is easy and clean-up is a snap, but requires some planning and can be expensive to serve. Finding the right ingredients for Delicious Christmas Surprise is imperative.

At least 3 weeks before Christmas:

Search the Internet for restaurants and hotels open on Christmas Day in your area.

Dial the phone number rapidly. If there is no answer, repeat.

Set aside a table at a specific time for a certain number of guests.

Christmas Morning:


Slip on fluffy robe until completely warm.

The family room should be at room temperature.

Make sure the Christmas tree is lit.

Open gifts at a steady pace while pouring eggnog into wide-mouthed mouth.

After the presents are completely done, go to bedroom and whip on one of the fashion gifts you received.

Add a jacket or coat to taste.

Dash to the restaurant or hotel.

After being seated, it is recommended to step rapidly to the buffet tables laden with delectable salads, entrees and desserts.

Serve and enjoy!

Dec 19, 2005

NOTE TO SELF: Next year take off the week BEFORE Christmas

OMG...we're so busy at work I have absolutely NO time for my personal business like online Christmas shopping or blog posting! Whoever made the schedule thought it would be fun to make us do 2 weeks worth of work in 1 week...with half the staff. Now, I wasn't very good in algebra but I think X = sucks in this case.

The net result is that the people who are off this week will have NOTHING to do when they come back on the 27th...because we will have done it all. Oh well, I just have to keep my nose to the grindstone until the 23rd and then I'm off for 11 consecutive days...come on Christmas!!!

(Hmmm...I may need to change my grown-up Christmas wish to nose reconstruction.)

Dec 15, 2005

To Kill An American

There was a news report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American. So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is so they would know when they found one.

Written by an Australian Dentist...

"An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.
In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.

When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the best of everything...the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services. But they also welcome the least.

The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

Dec 13, 2005

The Book Meme Challenge

The Duke of Earl tagged me with this meme and now I have to come up with 15 things about books. Well, I guess I don't HAVE to. But you know me...I'll jump on anything to distract me from writing my own book. Wait! Does that count as one? It does in my book...

2. Book 'em, Dano. This phrase was the first one that came to mind...and to tell you the truth I have no idea who Dano is...or if that's how it's spelled. It may be from Hawaii 5-0 but I don't think I've ever actually seen an episode.

3. Writing a book is really really hard...unless it's just a couple of pages...then not so much.

4. I've written 2 1/2 books...reminds me of my favorite sit-com...2 1/2 Men.

5. My favorite author (poet) is Dr. Seuss...I do so love him, Sam I am.

6. One time my mother and I were arguing about a verse from the Bible. She said, "Have you even read the Bible?" And I said, "No, but I saw the movie."

7. Stephen King and Anne Rice are good if you like ghosts and bougainvillea.

8. Flirting with Forty and Blondes Have More Felons are book TITLES I have written due to be published next year.

9. I'm a slow reader. I find myself proofing the pages and most of the time thinking, "I can write better than this." Come know you do too...

10. I love the scent of books but I hate libraries. I think I was abused by a librarian as a child.

11. I actually write for one of the BIGGEST books around.

12. I prefer paperbacks because they are easier to hold.

13. My first novel took 6 years to write. I started out on a Smith Corona electric typewriter, switched to a Magnavox word processor and ended up on a Gateway computer. I've never tried to market it. It's a ghost story called The Third Time.

14. My second novel is being shopped by my agent. Hmmm...haven't heard from him in a while.

15. My third novel is 4 chapters away from being finished.

Phew! That was harder than I thought. I'm tagging Nankin and Bill. You're it!

Dec 9, 2005

The First Time You Made Love (rerun)

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

If network television can do it, I figure it's good enough for me. Back for your "viewing" pleasure is the original freaky friday post while I'm busy selling my house and getting ready for Christmas...

I'm sure everyone has fond (or not so fond) memories of that special time and place in your life when you lost your virginity. My husband still gets angry eyes when I mention my high school sweetheart's name (Brent). I suppose I should feel bad about not saving myself for my wedding night, but I don't. (Even now I would hate to think anyone gets married so they can fulfill their sexual urges.)

It was a very special time in my youth and I cherish those memories. Yes, we were young...17. But it was after the advent of the Pill (and I had enough sense to be on it) and before AIDS, so you can see what a magical time in history it was. And your chance of avoiding those other pesky sexually transmitted diseases from another 17 year old virgin was very good.

When I think about it now, I'm surprised we knew what to do. But I guess because we'd been dating since the 9th grade (this had to be the longest foreplay in history) we'd climbed every mountain except one...or would that be a valley? So it was a natural progression. Anyway, I remember it being very nice, well as nice as it can be in your twin bed, hurrying before your Mom gets home from work. But, you know, after a while, the whole "where and when will we do it next and will we get caught" adrenaline rush becomes just as addictive as the sex itself. And once you start...well...there is NO turning back. Not that we ever even considered it.

I guess the most "daring" place we "did it" was in the practice room in the High School band room. Second was out in a field at my grandparents ranch. Of course there were the standard car back seats and my room...(only child, both parents worked.)

There was one thing I hadn't counted on. You see, we were in love...had been for a long time. And we had expressed that love in every way possible. So when I went away to college and he stayed home, and found someone else, well, it was almost like getting a divorce...only my support system didn't understand that. There was no hand-holding and help to get back on my feet like you would get during a real divorce.

It really, really hurt.

But anyway, I digress. Anyone brave enough to tell about their first time? Come can post anonymous if you want.

posted by Karyn Lyndon @ 5/20/2005 05:10:00 PM

Dec 4, 2005

'Tis The Season For Multi-Tasking

Fa la la la la la la. social calendar has kept me way too busy to post regularly..not that I'm complaining. But the phrase, "The behinder I am the hurrieder I get" applies to me lately. Last night I went to a holiday party for my division at my bosses' house. We were supposed to bring a dessert and two white elephant gifts (my apologies for any slur to elephants...none is intended.). Since I had a holiday brunch starting at 8 a.m. Saturday morning for my Romance Authors organization and then had to have a nap to recover from eating that much that early, I forgot about bringing stuff to the party.

So at 7:15 that night we were dishing banana pudding from a local bar-be-que place into one of my Tupperware containers and crumpling dollar bills into gift bags--all in the car on the way to the party. It was fun...if you like stress.

Today I had a family brunch and my monthly critique group and managed to squeeze in another nap. While I was at my group, the rest of the family had an assignment to put up the tree. See below...

IMG_0074 this is last year's picture but the tree looks exactly like that, except there aren't any presents under it yet.

Maybe I can shop and wrap presents in the car on the way to the next party.

Nov 30, 2005

My House Is a Very Very Very Fine House

* *P O E T R Y* *

I look around and cannot believe
That soon your love and care we will leave
Even though moving on is considered achievement
I'm sad and I'm lost, almost to bereavement

Your first sight created such awe-struck feelings
We laid in each room looking up at your ceilings
We marveled at how your brick fireplace was massive
Your wood beams and picture-frame panelling, impressive

Shocked that we'd qualify for such a nice home
We couldn't wait to sign on the line for the loan
They gave us the key and we moved to your street
And for 22 years you have laid at our feet

You cradled our babies in the warmth of your arms
You kept us safe from the hail and the storms
You gave us light when the darkness descended
You kept us entertained till the evenings ended

You witnessed us argue and agonize and fight
We slammed all your doors but your timbers held tight
You saw every party from birthday and Christmas
To New Years and Easter, not a moment you missed us

Your foundation steadfast, you made us feel safe
From the roof overhead to the lock at the gate
Even after the French door, the hot tub and pool
You've given us much more than we've given you

As we take our last step outside your front door
My sadness will seep into my very core
Our hearts will be with you even after we move
From our little house on Daybreak to the house with the view

Nov 29, 2005

We're Movin' On Up

You don't realize what a piece of crap you live in until you decide to sell the place. Looking at the house through a buyer's eyes is pretty scary...

Yes, that's right. We've decided after 22 years to get a bigger house in a better location. But until we decide exactly what and where--we're preparing our house to put on the market.

It's not in that bad of just needs some little touches here and there (like new doors and windows). The rest of the stuff (floors, bathrooms, roof) have been replaced within the last couple of years--not to mention the 4 year old pool and spa which I understand from the realtor doesn't really add to the value of your's just a $40,000 bonus to the new owners...lucky them! (Do I sound bitter?)

Anyway, although I feel moving is the right decision, it makes me sad fixing up our home to near-perfect condition for someone else, when we never bothered to do it for ourselves. The closets have never been as spacious and uncluttered, the switch plates have never been as pristine, the ceiling fans have never been as dust-free.

It's kinda like when you've made a hair appointment and your hair suddenly looks the best it's ever looked. It's like it knows...

Nov 25, 2005

Freaky Friday Cancelled Due To Tryptophan

I mean, I admit there is something about eating turkey that makes you want to go to bed, but once in that drug-induced coma you couldn't care less who's in it with you...if anyone at all. And once you've stuffed yourself with all the Thanksgiving fixin's the last thing you want is someone on top of you. So I'm proclaiming Thanksgiving the least horniest day of the year, (unless of course you're talking about playing doctor with that cute cousin back behind the coat bed.) A couple of hands of Skipbo, watching football, and eating leftovers doesn't do much for the libido either.

Then of course you have to get to bed early so you can rest up for a day of warfare, uh, I mean shopping. Now shopping can be a turn on, but not while you're being trampled or making your way to the emergency room for stitches. This kind of combat gift procurement can only be exhausting at best. Probably around Saturday afternoon, after the pain killers have worn off and the last of the turkey tranquilizer has finally left your blood stream does normal sexual activity resume.

Happy Saturday!

Nov 20, 2005

Only Fifteen Minutes of Fame?

A few months ago Alesia Holliday was having trouble getting a title approved for her newest Chick Lit Legal Thriller by her publisher (Berkley) so she asked for help on the Chick Lit E-mail Loop I belong to. It's about a tall blonde attorney...and her editor decided on my suggestion.

Hopefully this isn't the pinnacle of my writing career, but it's still pretty cool. To see my words on a book cover...even if I didn't write the book, gave me quite a few chills. Would a book by any other title smell as sweet? I think not!


Click here for more info about the Blondes Have More Felons March 2006 release.

Nov 18, 2005

10 things men want to know about women

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

1. Do you love me even when I haven’t bathed or shaved and my nose hairs and toenails need trimming?

Yes. (But don’t plan on getting lucky.)

2. Am I the best you ever had?

Yes. (Within the last decade.)

3. Do you mind if I look at other women?

No. (If you don’t mind a knee to the groin.)

4. Do you use tears to manipulate me?

No. (When you act like a dick, it really makes me cry.)

5. Do you ever imagine I’m someone else while we’re making love?

No. (I’m imagining I’m the Penthouse centerfold you’re imagining.)

6. Why won’t you swallow afterward?

The same reason you won’t kiss me afterward.

7. Do you ever fake it?

No. (Except during months with R, Y or U in them.)

8. Would you be willing to act out my sexual fantasy?

Yes. (As long as it doesn’t involve another person, place or thing.)

9. Why are you so bitchy during that time of the month?

You’d be bitchy, too, if your face broke out, you retained water, your stomach cramped and you bled from your private parts for 5 days. (As a matter of fact, you’d probably have to be hospitalized.)

10. Why don’t you just come right out and tell me what you want?

If you can’t figure it out…then never mind!

Nov 16, 2005

After A Fall

* *P O E T R Y* *

after a fall my fate is sealed
i touch to see if you are real
consumed by your sweet adoration
joined by love's own celebration

why am i next to your skin
opening up to let you in?
what did i do to earn your treasure?
i don't deserve all of this pleasure

my heart's in a precarious place
lingering on the curves of your face
but in a moment it could all go away
gone with the wind...lost in space

then i'll get what i am due
ripped from you
consequences will prevail
halting happiness from my tale

sure as taxes take their tolls
and reapers come to take our souls
all those passions, big and small
must be paid back...after a fall

Nov 14, 2005

It's Crying Time Again

I know it's been a while since I posted, but there's a good reason. I've been sick. No, not the physical kind...and not the mental kind either. I've been sick to my stomach because I found out one of the multi-published authors in my local Romance Authors chapter just sold a book proposal to Warner with a similar premise to the book I've been slaving over for a year. The one that won third place in the contest. The one that was going to start me on my career as a fiction writer.

So I haven't felt much like writing. I've felt more like crying.

Nov 11, 2005

There's A Bathroom On The Right

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Two of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were apprehended and arrested in a Tampa bar for tying up the women's bathroom--by making love in it--with each other.

The cheerleaders in question were promptly fired by the Panthers. But don't worry. They've received an offer from Penthouse Magazine for a replay.

Despite the rumors, and according to, the cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game. The team said both were fired from the TopCats squad for violating a signed code that bans conduct embarrassing to the Panthers. Well, I guess this would qualify.

Sidebar: My husband and I were watching Conan O'Brian late Wednesday night and he started telling about the cheerleaders and their bathroom behavior. My husband had walked out of the room for a moment when Conan said, "We have exclusive video footage of the girls in action." As my husband walked back into the room, he exclaimed with sarcasm "I wish" just as the screen flashed with the words "you wish." It was a hilarious moment for both of us...guess you had to be there.

Anyway, I've taken a really long trip to finally get to my topic: A Man's Ultimate Fantasy. OR why is it a turn on when 2 women do it, but repulsive when 2 men do it?

I don't have any answers here, but two women don't do anything for me, so I guess what's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander. I do know most men dream of being with 2 women at once. Why they would want more than one woman to please is beyond me. I mean, in most cases they can barely handle the one they've got, right? I've heard a romp with 2 women is exhausting! And if you just want to watch, eventually you feel kinda left out and third wheelish.

What's my point? I don't know. I guess it's that men have a tendency to think more is better...a bigger engine...a better brand...2 cheerleaders.

Dream on, guys...

Nov 8, 2005

The Friends With No-Money Blues

* *P O E T R Y* *

I'm glad my best friend has no cash
Because my purse is empty, too
Gold credit cards we do not flash
And all our bills are overdue

We both pack lunches of leftover shit
As the month crawls to an end
As soon as payday comes at last
Before you know it...we're broke again

A trip to the grocery store's a treat
Forget about the bars
Life's heaven when there's enough to eat
And gas for all the cars

We spend our last dime on our kids
We wear last decades clothes
Our savings accounts are on the skids
And our roofs sport leaky holes

We can't get a loan at the local bank
The IRS knows us by name
Our appliances are on the blink
And late fees drives us insane

The lottery we will never win
Disposable income? What's that?
Exotic furs we've never worn
We can't even afford a cat

We share so many problems
From late notices to bounced checks
The future should look very dim
With nooses around our necks

But we just joke and laugh it up
About our situation
We manage to cheer each other up
(except during menstruation)

We have something others would pay
A whole year's salary for
I'm so proud that I can say
We're friends and so much more

I'm certain when our ships come in
And we have debt no more
I'll thank God she was my friend
To make me feel rich when I was poor

Nov 7, 2005

What's Your Favorite Holiday?

Now that I have 5 weeks of PTO (paid time off for you non-corporate types) I take a week off at Thanksgiving and Christmas. If the holiday falls right I can get like 17 consecutive days between Christmas and New Years and only take like 4 PTO days off...okay, I exaggerate a little, but you know what I mean.

When I was little Christmas was definitely my favorite holiday. Not just the presents but being with all the family, singing Christmas carols, the food, playing with all the cousins...

Unfortunately, now it's just something to dread and "get through." I think that's because everyday is like Christmas for me so when the actual season rolls around I have to put a moratorium on my own spending and buy stuff for other people. I have to start using excuses. Phrases like "It's too close to Christmas" and "You'll just have to wait until Christmas" and "We have to save money for Christmas" start popping out of my mouth and I start to sound just like my mother used to.

Now that I've written that, I realize that sounds terrible. But that's not what I mean...I think.

I love to buy for others. I like to be generous with my money. And I like to be creative with the gifts I give. But now we have all these stupid rules. We draw names. I really hate that. I end up having to buy some distant uncle a present and I can't even buy my own mother-in-law something. And there's a price limit. It's kinda like a Nazi holiday...they tell you who to give to and how much...and you vill like it! Well I DON'T LIKE IT!

Gee...I feel better now.

Nov 5, 2005

Frank 'n Bride


Freaky Friday: One Trick Pony


Okay, I apologize ahead of time to all my "My Little Pony" fans. But this is pretty funny. Go here and take the test. I admit I failed miserably. I guess I don't know my pony from a hole in the ground.

Nov 2, 2005

9...But Who's Counting, Part 2

(Last week, Casandra dressed as the cowardly lion and Sampson her cat, dressed like Dorothy, went to the school carnival. While they were waiting on their ride home some high school boys started chasing the cat into the woods...)

Why didn't Cassandra's father pick us up tonight?

Sampson ran from the sound of jacket-boy's big shoes, which were also crunching leaves closer and closer behind him.

Now he'd be late for Cassandra's party, if he even made it at all. He was going deeper into the woods than he'd ever ventured before! Finally he shed the doll shoes and was able to pick up some much needed speed. Why was jacket-boy chasing him?

Suddenly he felt a limb or thorn snag his blue gingham pinafore. Pull as he might, he couldn't seem to free it. Jacket-boy grabbed him roughly by the scruff of the neck. "Gotcha!"

Sampson hadn't been held that way since he was a kitten.

"What the hell are you wearing? Come on, Kitty, Kitty..." His tone smacked of evil. "We need a black cat tonight."

Sampson felt the harsh bash of a log against his head and like the other times he had been in harm's way, lives began flashing before his eyes like slow motion at the speed of light: He watched as Cassandra's Dad slammed the door on his backside, his untimely dart into the street in front of the mail truck, the rat poison he'd eaten and promptly vomited, the hairball he breathed down the wrong way, curling up in the guest bedroom mattress springs right before Big Mama sat down, a slight miscalculation in the distance from the tree to the roof, the Doberman shaking him in his clinched jaws like a fluffy rag doll, and his breach birth which left him gasping for his first breaths of life.

Oh, God! If I was counting right, including the crack on my scull I just received, that was nine lives. That's all I get!

Sampson felt his soul rise from his body and float high into the October night sky. He looked down as the gang of kids seemed to perform some kind of satanic ritual. He felt tears rain to earth and overwhelming sadness fill the black sky. Yes, he would miss his fluffy black body, but more than that he would miss Cassandra, and he knew that she would cry for him, too.


"Sampson," Cassandra crooned, stroking the fur on the side of his face. "Wake up. It's time for the carnival."

Sampson opened his eyes, luxuriously stretched and realized he had been curled up next to Foxy in front of a blazing fire.

"Let's try on your Dorothy costume!"

Sampson spontaneously positioned himself for a frantic scramble across the hardwood floor, hoping friction would kick in as soon as possible. He clawed at the polished wood as he rounded each corner. Lunging under the guestroom bed he clamored into the springs.

"Sure hope Big Mama isn't coming to the party," he thought as he tried to find a comfortable spot in the springs for another little nap.

"Sampson, where are you?" called Cassandra.

Oct 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

I know part 2 of "Nine...but who's counting?" was scheduled for tonight but I forgot to e-mail it from work to home. Hopefully I will remember tomorrow.

In the meantime we had lots of trick-or-treaters who got progressively older and scarier as the night wore on. I was very proud that my two bags of candy were perfectly paced according to our number of visitors. One little Snow White whimpered when she realized she wasn't going to get to pick out the candy herself, so I let her. Wonder if she did that at every door? That's a lot of whimpering.

When my kids were younger I was always in charge of handing out the candy and my husband took them door to door. He was almost a slave driver about it, forcing them to go "just one more block" when they were ready to call it quits. Then when they got home they would spread out their spoils and give him the ones they didn't like. Ahhh...good times.

Now he and I share candy duty equally. He was calling me at work, making sure I would be home in time, like he wouldn't be able to do it without me. I mean really...rocket science it isn't. You open the bag, pour it in a bowl and answer the door. That's it! And we're millitant about the job being equal, If he is in the bathroom during his turn then he has to do two turns in a row. This year we had a silly hat that we switched back and forth all night according to whose turn it was.

I know, I sounds like "Leave It To Beaver" around here. like "Married with Children."

Oct 30, 2005

Daylight Saving Time Sucks

There. I said it. Can someone please explain to me why we do this? Because my body clock does not understand. And is it Saving Time or Savings Time? Nevermind...I googled it here.

Okay, I plead complete ignorance on this subject. All this time I thought the winter months were DST...something about the kids not having to go to school in the dark. But DST is during the summer's Standard Time that sucks! Why can't we leave it DST all the time and change the time school starts?

Oct 29, 2005

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off...NOT

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Sorry for the delay...I know it's Saturday, but I have a good excuse. Yesterday I was furiously getting ready to go for a long weekend to visit my best friend and her boyfriend who recently moved to Waco. My day included getting (making) our Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein costumes, packing, getting the oil changed, driving the two hours south to Waco (which was 3 hours because of rush hour) and attending a steak cookout. (The costume party is pics to come.) My day was further complicated by my daughter's car wreck. Nobody was injured and it wasn't her fault, but I did have to help her with the tow truck and insurance claim and go get her. That was a couple of hours out of my day I really didn't have to spare.

ANYWAY, enough about why Freaky Friday is on Saturday.

The topic today is by request. BTW, I take requests for a sexual subject near and dear to your heart...or anywhere else for that matter. I probobaly wouldn't have ever thought of alcohol as the subject of sex because:
a) I'm ALWAYS the designated driver
b) I do not find drunks attractive in the least
c) My inhibition quotient is already low without the use of drugs or alcohol

BUT it is true that alcohol can be an aphrodisiac as the title of this blog (song) can attest to. And if you partake on occasion, it does tend to loosen what is usually tight. (Wait a minute, I thought tight was a good thing in terms of sex???)

I think these Brad Paisley lyrics would be appropriate here:

I can make anybody pretty
I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight
with somebody twice
your size. . .

Well I've been known to cause a few breakups
and I've been known to cause a few births
I can make you new friends
Or get you fired from work.

I got blamed at your wedding reception
for your best man's emberrasing speech
and also for those naked pictures of you at the beach
I've influenced kings and world leaders
I helped Hemingway write like he did
and I`ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you
put that lampshade on your head . .

And since the day I left Milwaukee
Lynchburg, Bordeaux, France
Been makin the bars
With lots of big money
(crowd:) and helpin white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school
and college now that was a ball
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me

Speaking of alcohol, remember the steak cookout last night? Well, alcohol flowed freely the entire night...Jack Daniels and Diet Coke, Coors light plus other assorted beers, and lots of bottles of merlot. If you'd lit a match in the place it would have gone up in flames just from the CH3OH being exhaled into the place. And I will admit, on the drive back into Waco my husband was feeling a bit more RANDY than usual.

As mentioned before, I'm the designated driver, so I was drinking virgin Diet Coke. It's not that drinking is against my religion or anything, but besides the fact that SOMEONE has to be the designated driver, just one "social" drink can give me a whopping hangover the next day. I may be alergic to the stuff.

And being around a bunch of drunks makes me nervous at the very least...which tends to tighten up things that are usually loose. So needless to say my husband did NOT get lucky last night.

So here's my hypothesis. I think alcohol affects men and women differently. The precise amount of alcohol makes men more horny. (Too much and they are of absolutely no use to you.) On the other hand, alcohol makes women more pliable. You can see where a more horny man and a more pliable woman can work like magic OR be a dangerous combination, depending on the situation...

Oh, believe me, I've been drunk before. And I've paid the price big time the next day. And during those times my good sense was a to say So I can see how along with a woman's inhibitions which fly out the window when you drink, your judgment goes right along with it. You just flat don't give a damn anymore. Phrases like "what the hell, just this once" and "if it feels good, do it," tend to replace the word "No!"

And frankly, I think men know this. And believe it or not, I think they use this knowledge to their advantage! Shocking, I know, but true.

As far as my husband goes, perhaps he will get lucky tonight after the Halloween party. It will be Frankenstein and his Bride's honeymoon, after all.

Oct 25, 2005

Nine...But Who's Counting


Poetry Wednesday is taking a short hiatus in honor of Halloween.


Sampson detested the stupid doll shoes Cassandra made him wear. But he had decided to humor her since it was Halloween, and the shiny red shoes did just make the outfit--a pinafore of blue gingham check. The fact that he was a Tom-cat aside, who ever heard of dressing a cat up like Dorothy? It was a natural for Foxy to be Toto, but anyone who knew anything would naturally dress the cat as the lion.

But Cassandra had her heart set on being the lion. She looked adorable, too, in her gold yarn mane and plush jump suit with the tail attached. So there trotted Sampson a.k.a. Dorothy, in his ridiculous costume next to Cassandra, the cowardly lion. Foxy had pulled the old "thorn-in-the-paw-pad" routine. It worked every time.

So, instead of riding in the basket Cassandra had carefully lined in matching blue gingham check, Foxy was snoozing in front of a roaring fire. Sampson on the other hand was being humiliated in a dress and doll shoes for all the world to see...well, at least all the world that lived on Mockingbird Lane.

They were headed to the school carnival, which was only 3 blocks away, but it was starting to feel like 30 in the ill-fitting shoes. Finally they ascended the steps and entered the frenzy of crepe paper and costumes that was Carter Elementary School's Fall Carnival. Sampson made a mental note to check out some of that crepe paper later. It could make some interesting batting material. A giant purple Barney boot almost flattened him in the crowd so Casandra swept her cat up into her arms.

"I'm sorry, Dorothy," Cassandra whispered in the black cat's ear. "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

It was a whirlwind afternoon of cakewalks and candy corn, dunking for apples and downing tart cider. Finally they stepped back out into the evening, the golden moon low in the sky, giving off an orange glow on the sidewalk ahead of them.

"Don't worry, Dorothy. You won't have to walk all the way home in those shoes. Daddy's coming to pick us up. I don't want to be late."

Sampson knew why Cassandra was so anxious to get home. Tonight was not only Halloween, it was also Cassandra's birthday party. And Sampson was proud to say he had been present at nine of those 11 birthdays. He attended the first one when Cassandra was only two years old. He was a fluffy black kitten then--a gift from Grandma Winnetka.

They continued to shiver in front of the school as the crowds of carnival-goers sifted down to a single janitor locking the front door.

"My Dad will be here in a minute," Cassandra assured him as he headed reluctantly to his truck.

He called back, "I'd wait here with you, but I've got to get home and take my kids trick-or-treating."

They watched his truck's tail lights disappear around the tree-lined curve in the street; stirring up clouds of leaves behind him.

From the other direction a carload of teens pulled up in front of the school and one of them shouted, "Look! There's one!" The boy in the letter jacket was pointing directly at Sampson.

"Get him," shouted another kid. The jacketed boy jumped out of the car and started running toward them.

"Leave us alone!" Cassandra cried out.

In the commotion Sampson leapt from her arms and darted into the woods next to the school.

He shivered violently while running through the cold night air. Orange, yellow and red leaves crackled beneath his tiny shoes.

To be continued Halloween night...

Oct 22, 2005

Still Making It...After All These Years

Backstory: Along with my full time job I also coached a competitive junior dance team for thirteen years. Back then everyone would ask me..."How do you do it?" And I would just smile and laugh.

Now that I think back on that time I ask myself "How did you do it?" And the better question is "Why did you do it?"

Well, okay. It was an extremely creative outlet. And during that thirteen years I learned a lot of valuable "stuff". Things I was even able to use in my real managing people. Once you've managed 24 eight year olds and ALL of their stage moms (and some dads), managing 4 college graduates is an ABSOLUTE piece of cake.

During that time I also learned some other professional seamstresses are liars, it's really hot at a three O'clock football game in September, a drill team is NOTHING without a working sound system, leave the judges wanting MORE, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, you know, stuff like that.

Getting back to the seamstresses lying part. Along the way I also learned how to make costumes (necessity sometimes truly IS the mother of invention). And I'm not talking about one. During my daughter's high school days, I'm talking EIGHTY. After you've done that much sewing you get to where you can do it in your sleep, without a pattern...

To make a short story really daughter (now 26) was going to order this Minnie Mouse costume online for a couple of Halloween parties coming up.

But with shipping it was going to cost over $50 which she couldn't afford, so before I could take back the words--out of my mouth they came: "Why don't I just make that for you."

So that's what I've been doing today...

And here it is:

Hurricane Wilma


Oct 20, 2005

The Thrust of the Story

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

This excerpt from CurvyKathy31: Confessions of a Chat Addict is continued from last Friday. You will remember Dan had just left Kathy on the front porch with a passionate kiss goodbye.

Fifteen minutes later I stepped out of the shower to the insistent chime of my doorbell. I threw on my terry robe, ran to the door and peered out the peephole. There stood Dan, head down and hands stuffed in his pockets. I opened the door and brushed a strand of wet hair out of my face. I let him in, looking up at him, seeing the burning desire in his eyes. Silently we embraced.

Finally I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. I turned to face him and he pulled my robe open. As he looked at me through the dim light of the bedside lamp I dropped the robe to the floor.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

He began to kiss my face, my throat, my chest. He continued to kiss and caress every inch of me like a three-part symphony of touch and taste and movement. I could watch what was happening in the dresser mirror and there, with him loving me, I could see he was right. I was beautiful. He laid me back on the velvet comforter.

While holding my gaze with his he undressed and soon was covering my body, our skin finally allowed the searing full contact we hungered for. The exchange of electrically charged sensations was like nothing I’d ever experienced. He plunged his hardness into me and I sighed softly, taking him freely and deeply into my wet, slick recesses.

Feeling him ebb and flow, slowly at first, then gaining speed and intensity with each thrust, I knew my climax was imminent. I began to contract tightly around his bullet hard member, crying out with each ecstatic pulse. Just as my climax waned he moaned with a final, hard thrust and began filling me with his warmth, again and again, till it overflowed between us in a wonderful, sticky mess.

We made love three more times that night, each time a different and silent expression of the passion we held for each other. In between lovemaking we cuddled and dozed ‘til the sun rose.

Still we were silent, as though a pedestrian conversation about breakfast or work would break the magic of the moment. He dressed, kissed me sweetly on the lips, said he loved me, and left me in bed to revel in the vivid memory of the night before.

Oct 18, 2005

To Google, Or Not To Google

* *P O E T R Y* *

i finger the keyboard
with a sudden yearning
then type in his name
and hit the return key

just as i'm thankful
his isn't jones or smith
i'm relieved there are only
a few links herewith

after some that aren't him
i come to a link
his place of employment?
i stare and I blink

it's a sub-page that's promising
a pic of his team
i could see what he looks like--
no longer a dream

oh my God! i realize
it's the motherload i've hit
haven't seen him in 30 years
but with one easy click...

am i ready to destroy
the memory of the boy

yellow tank top, long and lean
in his tight faded jeans?

will it be quite the same
to imagine our past
if his sweet lips are under
a graying mustache?

has his slender waist
and those cute little freckles
given way to a belly
and weather-worn wrinkles?

and will seeing him now
just remind me that i'm
not slender and sexy
but well past my prime?

i slowly remove
my hand from my mouse
i log off the laptop
i lock up the house

i head to the hallway
i turn out the light
murder of memories
isn't in me tonight

as my head hits the pillow
i rest easily
my last name's been changed
so he can't google me

Oct 16, 2005

Bibbidy, Bobbidy, Beyond
(the call of duty)

My daughter teaches dance. No, not the ballroom kind. I mean like ballet, tap, jazz, ages from 3 to adult. Her studio is involved with the Frisco Ballet and they asked some of the teachers to perform in their production of Cinderella. She played the evil step-mother.

But when they went to rehearse the ball scene they realized there was something missing...and that was men. What good is a ball without some handsome men? So my daughter asked her Dad if he would consider being in it. With a little bit of coaxing (and probably quite a few beers) and a promise from me of LOTS and LOTS of brownie points, he said yes. She said all he had to do was escort a dancer onto the stage and then stand there. (At the time she forgot to mention the ALL DAY dress rehearsal, the 2 performances AND the sequinned costume!)

Well, anyway, after A LOT of grumbling about how he didn't really mean he would do it and how could I possibly think he would want to devote an entire SATURDAY to something like this, yesterday was their big day. I was very proud to watch my daughter (who, by the way, was the prettiest evil stepmother I've ever seen) steal the show. She was WONDERFUL and got lots of laughs from the audience, which is hard to do considering this was a ballet (ie: no talking). And my husband was the most handsome man on the stage!

Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced, but both of their performances were outstanding.

And may I also say, I'm glad it's over so I don't have to listen to my husband gripe about it anymore. However, instead, now we get to compare and contrast performance one with performance two incessantly. (A stage wife's job is never done.)

BTW, what are brownie points??? And wonder how he plans to redeem them?

Oct 14, 2005

Get A Room!

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Excerpt from CurvyKathy31: Confessions of a Chat Addict

After dinner he parked in front of my house, rolling down the windows to let the sweet summer night fill the truck. He patted the seat next to him and I scooted over, giggling like a schoolgirl. We started making out like horny seniors after prom.

He devoured my mouth with his hungry kisses. Arms were groping and breathing was labored. He slipped his hand under my top, holding my breast. I could feel his warm palm through the sheer fabric of my bra. His other hand moved around to unhook the back and suddenly he was kissing my cleavage while both hands firmly cupped my D-sized mounds.

"I want you soooooo bad," I whisper-whined.

Taking my fully-erect nipple out of his mouth just long enough to get the words out he murmured, "me too."

At some point during our make-out session I turned to face him, my right leg wedged between both of his. Through his jeans I could feel his hardness on the top of my thigh as I instinctively pressed my crotch into his leg. Our adolescent petting was quickly turning into a full-blown dry hump.

"Maybe we should go inside,” I moaned in his ear. “Any minute someone's going to jog right past us." I opened my eyes and checked out the back window. "I see Mrs. Meecham walking her Doberman half a block down and headed this way."
I pulled away and started adjusting clothing. Dan leaned his head against the headrest, closing his eyes in a combination of exhaustion and frustration.

"Jesus, that felt good. I haven't made out in a car like that in years."

"So, you wanna come in?" I hated the way the words slithered from my lips.

He was silent for what seemed like decades. "I can't. Not tonight." He looked over at me and touched my cheek with his fingertips. "As much as I want to make love to you, I also want our first time together to be right."

"You are the most amazing man I've ever met." I asked jokingly, "Are you sure you're an Internet guy?"

"That's just it." He opened the truck door and stepped out. "I don't want to be one of your Internet guys. You're certainly more than an Internet girl to me."

We walked arm in arm up to the front porch and he kissed me with a passion that made me weak.

"I love you, Kathy."

I looked up into his eyes, which were shimmering blue, even in the porch light. "I love you too, Dan."

With that he ran his hand across my top and grazed my nipple sending more hot shocks of pleasure between my legs. He turned to go but I could hear him muttering under his breath something like, "What’s wrong with you, man? Are you outta your mind!"

(To be continued...)

Oct 13, 2005

Genius Envy

images-5B L O G

No, not mine, silly. (I'm only at 5,000.) This is old Duke over at Romantic Ramblings. There's just something about his golf stories, telling us how much he loves his wife and spilling stuff on his crotch that seems to draw the readers in in droves. Go figure. Anyway, congrats, John. Maybe I'll be there in another 6 months. Something to look forward to, I guess. Heavy sigh.

Oct 12, 2005

Pick a Penguin...Any Penguin


Penguins just popped into my head and POW...there was a whole potpourri of penguin pictures to pick from for my post. Isn't Google prodigious?

Oct 11, 2005

Like A Mountain

* *P O E T R Y* *

like a mountain
almost insurmountable
love starts off timid

but soon our strides
become quick and wide
ever hopeful
our bodies empowered
by the promise
of an awesome view

higher we climb
till the air becomes thin
making us light-headed
giddy with happiness

we approach the peak
ecstatic to finally reach
and the view....
words can't describe
everything's so very clear
up here

hand in hand
we step to the edge
looking over
suddenly afraid
nothing will ever be the same

happiness becomes
a mountain stream
the tighter we grasp
the quicker it
slips through our fingers

suddenly we're
speeding unwieldy
down a treacherous
mountain road
the curves twist and turn
dangerously close

we try to steer
staying clear
of the edge
panicked we slam
on the brakes
will slow

out of control
love plummets
to a certain

Oct 10, 2005

Not Just A Case of Acid Reflux


The saying "Never eat anything bigger than your head" is especially true for this python in the Florida Everglades who decided a live crocodile would be a tasty snack. We might also want to add, "Don't eat anything that can claw its way out."

Oct 9, 2005

Macarena Meets The Hokey Pokey

Saturday night was the wedding of the girl my daughter gave the bachelorette party for last weekend. The bride is hispanic and the groom is white so there was a wonderful mixture of cultures with a mariachi band and a dj at the hotel reception.
Of course, I'm always interested to see how these events come together as I someday hope to throw a wedding or two of my own. And this one was flawlessly executed, from the delicious buffet and elaborate cake
to the chocolate fountain. There was even confetti on the tables with the bride and groom's pictures on them. The bride is a dance teacher (like my daughter) so there was an unusual amount of "single girls" hoping to catch the bouquet.
It was quite a party and I was glad to be a part of it.

Oct 6, 2005

Rockin' to the Rhythm of the Rain

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Imagine the wind whipping up in hot, fragrant breaths on your face. The very scent of a storm on the way becomes a powerful aphrodisiac as big plops of rain hit the pavement.

Is there anything better than taking cover inside as a nice steady rain outside gets your juices flowing? Doesn’t it just feel right to snuggle up under the covers with your sweetie as a few flashes of lightening and cracks of thunder set the mood?

Sidebar: I’m not talking about hurricane force winds and flooding. If that’s the forecast, now’s the time to evacuate, not get “in the mood.” Tell him to forget the condom and put on his slicker!

There is something soothing and almost primal about storm sex going all the way back to cuddling in the cave with your Neanderthal. This kind of lovemaking should not be routine or rushed, but rather follow the unpredictable pace of a spring rain. If the electricity is knocked out, all the better! Nothing’s more romantic than flickering candlelight. Or making love in the dark…flashes of light illuminate your glistening bodies, capturing single moments of your naked silhouettes pounding together as the rain pounds overhead. As the storm climaxes with thunderous lightening and driving rain, your lovemaking crescendos to a fevered pitch till you fall away, completely spent.

Then almost as sweet as the endorphins coursing through your bodies from the satisfying coupling, you doze in each other’s arms, lulled by the rhythm of the rain.

I guess the only thing better would be storm sex…in the car!

Oct 5, 2005

I'm Soooooooooooooo Old

Exactly 26 years ago today and 21 years ago yesterday I gave birth to two 8 lb. 4 oz. babies (obviously my maximum carrying capacity.) We had their birthday party tonight at one of their favorite Mexican Food Restaurants.
They raked in the cash and all I got was reminded how freakin' old I am. Heavy sigh.

Oct 4, 2005

Second Chancing

* *P O E T R Y* *

(I wrote this for a friend of mine's second wedding. I read it during the ceremony.)

When you search the whole worldwide
For someone to be by your side
To walk with you down life’s long road
To help you ease each heavy load
The chances seem like slim to none
To find your mate--the perfect one
Imagine how impossible when
You have to go in search again
But suddenly with just a glance
You are given a second chance

A second chance, a new lease on love
One more go at that shiny gold ring
Another whirl ‘round the dance floor
A different dream to take wing

In an instant you know it’s true
That he’s the only one for you
And just as sure--he isn’t wary
You’re the one he wants to marry
Yours and Mine becomes We
For one contented family
Completing what the other lacks
Your lives can then get back on track
So embrace this time like couples dancing
And thank the stars for second chancing

Oct 2, 2005

Frustration and Firemen and Fabulous Getaway, Oh My!

I'm having problems posting comments, which really is frustrating. I can't even post them on my own blog. I keep getting a "blogger is temporarily down for maintenance" message. It's been going on for over three days! I'm not sure if this is a universal problem, a mac problem, a safari problem or an aol problem.

In other news, this weekend my daughter comandeered our house for a bachelorette party complete with jello shots and fireman stripper.

I did not think this was a wholesome atmosphere for my husband, so we went on a mini-vacation to the Marriott Hotel in Plano at Legacy Village. Oh My God! It is a nice hotel...I mean like 4-star.
The weekend package included a huge suite, 2 theatre tickets and a beautiful breakfast buffet. The hotel is built across the street from a lovely little fountain and lake
and beside Legacy Village which includes lots of interesting shops, restaurants, bars and the Angelica movie theatre. I felt like we were in a hotel overlooking Central Park.

We had the best was so nice to get away. And we only had to drive about fifteen minutes to get there. Of course, what we saved in gas we paid in tips to the parking valet and the bellman.

Upon arriving home we were relieved to find the house in relatively the same condition we left it.

Sep 30, 2005

Hey Baby, Wanna Cyber?

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience. n
2. the replication or imitation of biological control systems with the use of technology.

Ummmm…okay. So. Why not in this age of technology get your biological kicks on Route “Info Highway”? What’s the line? “Take a trip and never leave the farm?” Only cybersex lets you come without ever having to actually go anywhere! You don’t even have to shave or put on your good underwear! And even if the person on the other end of your DSL is 87 and flatulent, all he has to do is tell you he’s 6’2”, blue eyed, buff and voila—in your vivid imagination he is.

It’s kinda like an interactive romance novel. Only with an online fling, the hero talks back to you. How cool is that? And YOU don’t have to be YOU either. Tired of being middle-aged? Looking to lose a few pounds? Do you sometimes imagine being single again? Poof! Your stats instantly look like a 20-year-old porn star’s.

Of course some would call this lying…you know, one of the Big Ten. But computers weren’t around when they carved those tired, old rules into stone…right? What’s a little deception in the name of biology and technology?

I’m asking a lot of question, aren’t I?

Anyway, so you have your dreamboat all lined up and tonight is the night. You light a few candles around your computer, pour a glass of red wine and wear something sheer and slinky (okay, so you also wear multi-color striped toe socks because you don't want your feet to get cold—who’s to know?) Prepared for an evening of romance (and, other than a possible computer virus, completely safe sex) you log on...

Her: I thought about you today.
Him: I think about you every day.
Her: Where to tonight?
Him: I thought we’d go to the beach.
Her: Mmmmm. I can hear the seagulls already.
Him: We’re walking hand in hand in the sand. The sun is just setting, but the breeze is still warm across our faces.
Her: My dress is blowing in the wind, exposing my shapely, tanned legs.
Him: I catch a glimpse of your beautiful legs and suggest we stop in a secluded spot. I spread a couple of towels on the sand where the frothy waves ebb and flow near our bare feet.
Her: We sit next to each other and look peacefully out onto the horizon as it grows darker. I can feel you staring at my full breasts which rise and fall with every breath I take.
Him: I put my arm around your bare shoulder and pull you closer. I can smell your fragrant perfume as a strand of your long blond hair brushes my cheek.
Her: Finally, I turn my head to look into your deep blue eyes and see the desire burning there.
Him: I take your mouth with mine...tasting you deeply
Her: My passion soars at the touch of your searing lips on mine...your probing tongue. you can see where this is going. (You didn't really think I'd write the whole thing, did you?)

Of course, having cybersex is A LOT better if both of the parties are writers, involving all the senses, setting the scene, etc. AND it's kinda hard to work up some tingling parts if you're constantly having to hit spell-check.

Warning! It will be difficult to explain the candles and lace teddy to your hubby when he comes to see why you're not in bed yet.

Double Warning! It's probably best to engage in this activity with someone in a different region of the country lest they want to meet and you have to explain that you're really in your forties and your hair is salt and pepper gray.

Triple Warning! You've been honest with your cyberpartner, but now you've decided cybersex sucks and you want to taste each other deeply for real. In that case a whole other hemisphere apart would be even better.

Sidebar: We used to have a Gateway computer and my husband called it the Gateway To Hell...I think he was right.

Sep 29, 2005

The Judges Comments Are In...

I've been waiting patiently and they've finally arrived...and...WOW! Both judges for the Fire and Ice Contest are published Chick Lit authors and here's what they had to say about Spoiled Rotten:

Judge Ch9-11A gave me 97 out of 100 (outstanding, publishable as is). She said "This is hilarious. I thought the story moved--great pacing and repartee."

Judge Ch9-11B gave me a 93. She said "Andrea is the kind of heroine you love to hate. Snobby, shallow, worthless and yet you can't help rooting for her anyway! Thank you for not writing yet another bland "likable" flat heroine. Great voice! And Repo Man is to die for. Love his voice, personality, everything. Is he hot? Tell me he's hot!

Of course he's hot, Judge Ch9-11B. This is Chick Lit, isn't it?

Anyway, thanks to both my judges for pumping me up. I'm going to ride the inspiration generated from these great comments all the way to THE END!!!

Also, as an added bonus I got a check for winning third place. I didn't even know there was prize money involved! I guess you could say this is the first money I've received for my fiction writing. Hopefully the next check will have a few more

Sep 28, 2005

That's A Lot Of Handbags!

These are supposed to be pics of a crocodile caught roaming (swimming) the streets of New Orleans and eating dead bodies. In reality it's a croc caught in the Congo. These same pictures were being e-mailed back in 2003 BB (before blogger). Ahhhhh...the gotta love it!
According to an article in and, the reptile was a Nile crocodile estimated to be 50 years old, about 16 feet in length, and about 1,900 lbs. The local mayor reportedly insisted on preserving the crocodile's carcass against the efforts of locals who wanted to eat it. Instead, he arranged for it to be shipped to a taxidermist, thus ending the animals life-long dream of outfitting hundreds in shoes and matching handbags.

Sep 24, 2005

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

What is it about having sex in a car that is soooooooooo damn hot? Is it the vibration from the powerful motor that sends your motor racing? Is it the new car smell that nudges you to be naughty? Does the thought of skin against leather make you melt?

For me it's all those things wrapped up into exciting memories of my youth. Back then steaming up the car windows was commonplace and mainly out of necessity. We would have preferred a bed and some privacy, but 17 year olds don't have that luxury. Of course, it started out as innocent necking (is necking ever "innocent" and what do the kids call it these they even know how to neck? Or do they just go straight to the anal sex?)

Then it went into heavy petting. There was a time when I could become "completely satisfied" from only nipple action...but that got boring so then I let his fingers do the walking, which could also be quite satisfying. But, after just want the nice, big, hard stick-shift to get the hell out of your way. So you try the backseat. Ahhh...that's better. Of course, it's a must to be wearing a dress. (Tight jeans are a bitch to get out of gracefully in the best of circumstances, but nearly impossible in a backseat.)

One time my boyfriend and I were parked in a local park. We got a tap on the window from the police. Luckily, it was after the windows were fogged so we had a moment to smooth our clothing, and before we'd headed to the backseat. The officer just shined his flashlight in and told us to move along. He was nice about it. He seemed to understand. I believe it was after that we started having sex in my bed while my parents were at work. Little did I know that would be the end of my love-affair with car love.

So here I am, many, many years later, married to the same guy since the Bicentennial, and still totally turned on by making out in the car. But decorum (and fear of arrest or exposing myself to the PTA President neighbor) halt our front seat necking at the necking "finish up" inside the house.

And besides, even though we have a bigger car...that backseat looks A LOT smaller than I remember.

Sep 23, 2005

Freaky Friday Postponed Due to Rita

No, I'm not in the line of the hurricane, I just like watching them on TV. But I promise a really, really juicy Freaky Friday tomorrow. Gotta Run! The eye is going to come ashore any minute now!

Sep 21, 2005

3 Little Pigs from the Wolf's POV

* *P O E T R Y* *
Big, Bad and Blameless

Everyone said that I
huffed and I puffed
They said I was mean
They said I was rough!

But, I'm telling you man,
they've got me all wrong!
Just listen to my side
It's a whole 'nother song

If you look at my records
you'd see I'm a joker
A lover, a laugher,
and a real heavy smoker

As a matter of fact
I'm quite emphysemic
I can barely breathe
Not to mention anemic

There's no way on earth
I could blow down a dwelling
I get winded walking
My ankles keep swelling

As far as the straw house
My interest was legitimate
I'm a real estate broker
I was trying to list it

With the wood house I thought
It could use help from me
On the side I sell siding
With a lifetime guarantee!

My reasons for being
at that last pig's brick home?
I sell second mortgages
Even pigs need a loan!

As far as the damage
It's hard to explain
A big gust of wind?
A low flying plane?

Besides, I would never
Eat a fat little pig!
My LDL is high
I'm already big!

So give me a break
The pigs could be lying
While I'm just the innocent
Wolf who they're frying!

Sep 18, 2005

My Muse is Calling

This is one of those weekends where I actually have nothing scheduled, which is wonderful. I'm wanting to start putting pictures in albums, a project I've been putting off for years. I'm thinking about giving scrapbooking a try. I'm wanting to plant some fall flowers. I also have a couple of sewing repairs. Of course, there's the usual laundry. And I'm definitely in the mood to write.

Speaking of writing, my agent sent me a rejection letter this week, but it was another good one. It was from a women's literary fiction editor from Random House. She said my writing had merit, but the story seemed choppy. I guess she's not familiar with chick lit's "diary" style. My agent said it was evident she had read the entire manuscript, which he said is unusual and a good sign. I don't know why, but getting a rejection inspires me to write. Even a negative response seems to feel like progress in my writing career.

I feel this great surge of creativity needing to be expressed in other areas of my life, too. Must be the change of season, although the season change is very subtle here in Texas. The temperature was in the high 90s yesterday, but the pool water was like iced tea. This time of year always makes me want to go clothes shopping, too. I guess it's a conditioned response from all those years I went back to school shopping with my mother. (Wonder if I could talk her into buying me something...)

I did do a bit of shopping this week, but it was online, so I haven't seen the results yet. online is WAY too easy and I end up sending half the stuff back because it doesn't fit. And then I'm stuck with the shipping costs. There's really no excuse to shop online when you live in a major metropolitan city. But it is one of the few things I can do online at work...they haven't firewalled the retailers yet!

Anyway, have a nice Sunday...I've got things to do!

Sep 16, 2005

Wednesday Night Special

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog. A special thanks to The Pointmeister for introducing me to the license plate site. Isn't it cute!

When I was about fifteen years old we moved to a newer neighborhood and a nice young couple with a baby moved into our old house. Soon after we moved we got reports from our old neighbors across the street that VERY strange things were happening in our old house. On Wednesday nights while his wife was at church, it became a ritual of the man to have a male friend over. They would expose themselves in front of the big picture window that looked out onto the street where us kids always “hung out.”

One time when I was visiting my old neighborhood, my friends showed me what they were talking about. They had even told their parents about it. I didn’t really think it was strange at the time, but now that I’m an adult, I can’t believe they didn’t call the police, or at least confront the man and tell him to cut it out. And they would never have thought to tell his wife what activities he was up to while she was away. Instead, everyone just thought it was funny.

This was in the early seventies…a strange time when sex wasn’t really discussed in polite company, yet we were in the middle of a sexual revolution. There was no awareness of sex offenders, people didn’t pry into other people’s affairs, a man’s house was his castle and this man’s Wednesday night escapades just made him one of those quirky neighbors.

Things are different now.

Sep 14, 2005

My Muse

* *P O E T R Y* *
there are words that i can't write
and dreams that i can't use
creative forces inside me
still need you as my muse

but then i realize you're gone
in body and in spirit
your face is fading from my mind
your voice...i can not hear it

can i leave before i'm done?
can i walk away?
how can i forsake your love
with so much left to say?

now i stare at empty pages
fingers poised on keys
in desperation to create
i fall down on my knees
i pray to God that He'll assign
another muse to me
“send a soul mate just like him
to set my passions free”

but in my heart i know it's wrong
to wish for more than one
a love like ours is once a life
for most it never comes.

Sep 11, 2005

Where Were You?


I was pulling into the parking garage at work and they had just reported the Pentagon had been hit. From what I was hearing on the radio it sounded like the world might be coming to an end or at least other locations might be targeted...places like...Dallas. I came very close to putting my car in reverse, speeding out of there and signaling my children and husband home. But I looked around at all the other cars in the garage, and knowing that a lot of people I worked with were from New York, I went inside. Everyone was gathered around the few TVs we had on our floor. Shortly after that I saw the first building fall...and then the second...I had eaten at Windows on the World in 1988 and in an instant the top of the trade center was in a heap on the ground...unfathomable.

4 years ago a firetruck from New Orleans was given to New York to help with the Twin Towers disaster. 4 years later to the day some NY firemen returned the truck to New Orleans...unbelievable.

Sep 8, 2005

A Short One


For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

I admit I'm a slacker this week, but give me a break! I've been busy. But I did want to pass this along:

A woman was setting up her husband's computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, told him he needed to choose a log-in password.

The husband who was becoming bored with the process spelled out this response:


Too tired to argue with him about it she typed in his password, hit enter, then fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:


If you're new to this site (and since I've already blogged about whether size matters or not,) read more about it here.

PACE Awards prove (once again) that Advertising Department is insane

The show was a huge success! (If you don't know what I'm talking about see yesterday's post.) There's nothing like the sound of audience laughter that you've created. But it wasn't ALL hilarity. There were some warm, fuzzy moments, too. I got lots of compliments after the show, a special handshake and thanks from the V.P. of the Division, and the head of the committee is taking us to a thank-you lunch tomorrow.

Here are some pics as promised...then I'm going to bed...night night...

Our theme was Change of PACE because of all the changes we've gone through this year. Posters around the building and on the podium were of chameleons (a plaid one, a polka dot one, a cow print one, etc.) to signify change with the slogan "change is good"

The ballroom was made to look like a TV studio...

Sep 7, 2005

Lights, Camera, Action


Okay, so, the awards show I've been working on for the last several months is tomorrow at 2 p.m. (central). The reason I'm being specific about the time is I'm hoping for some prayers around then. Not that the show is bad or anything. We had dress rehearsal today and everything went pretty well considering. But an extra little bit of goodwill right about showtime would be appreciated.

The humorous videos I've been laboring over in the editing booth were well received today as this was the first time for them to be viewed. The cast and crew laughed at the appropriate moments which is oh-so important. Now if the audience will do the same tomorrow.

The tricky part about the show this year is more of a technical nature. We have two stages set up catty-cornered on either side of where the stage normally is. One side is a Saturday Night Live-ish news desk with 2 newscasters. The other side is the actual awards podium. It's as if the audience is the studio audience watching a live broadcast, complete with a three-piece band in the middle. Then we have 2 cameras set up to go "live" from the news program to the awards...which are all "broadcast" on the wall sized video screen in the middle. The concept is unique but depends heavily on the guys in the control booth to switch everything at the appropriate moment, along with lights on the two stages, videos and a powerpoint slide show of the nominees and winners. Maybe if you could say a little extra prayer for the guys in the booth.

I don't know what I look forward to more. Hearing the audience laugh at my jokes...or sighing with relief when it's over. It's probably a nice mixture of both.

Anyway, I'll post pics tomorrow. (I know you can't

Sep 6, 2005

I Love You


why can’t you say it?
can it be so complex?
just utter the words
and feel your heart flex

“i love you!” it’s easy—
it rolls off your tongue
like dew on a petal
like a song that needs sung

why do men think
it’s contractually binding?
these three tiny words
that my ears are not finding

love is not limited
it’s an infinite thing
a burgeoning fountain
a never-ending spring

love is like breast milk
the more that you give
the more that you make
so your spirit can live

from my depths to the rooftops,
i’m yearning to shout
i love you! i feel it!
it wants to come out!

of course you love others
present tense and past
and i know i’m not first—
maybe, not even last

but if you can feel it
then just set it free
say those little words
that mean so much to me

i love you, also
it’s here in my soul
i love you and someday
perhaps you’ll be told

Sep 5, 2005

Deep from my heart for Texas


My heart swells with pride when I think about how generous my state has been in the relief efforts from hurricane Katrina. Yea, Texas! I heard we've taken in over 123,000 people made homeless by the storm and subsequent dam break who are staying in shelters and another 100,000 staying in hotels. The fact that we are next door neighbors to Louisianna made Houston, San Antonio and Dallas obvious choices.

Of course, where else are you going to find two or three stadiums equipped with air conditioning and mega-bathrooms just lying around unoccupied? Yes, it's true. Texas is serious about their sporting gets a little worn out, you just build another one.

Sep 4, 2005

Got Any Threes?


No, it's not a game of "Go Fish". It's another "we've got gas" story. A local gas station got the orders from headquarters to raise their prices to $3.09 The station started to change their numbering on the signs out front when they realized they didn't have any big threes. It seems they'd never needed threes before. So they had to continue selling gas at the lower price until the home office overnighted them some big threes.

Sep 3, 2005

Where's the Charity from Exxon?


There's a story on the news about a young guy who stole a school bus in New Orleans and loaded it up with stranded people (from newborns to an old woman in a wheelchair) on the interstate. They had heard rumors that refugees of Katrina were going to Houston so they headed that way. The reporter interviewing this industrious young man asked how they were able to fill up with gas along the way. He said they were all able to pool their money and had just enough.

My question is, why would a bus carrying refugees be charged for gas??? I guess they would have been charged for bottled water, too. Everyone else in the country is giving till it hurts. How can the oil companies in good conscience take their money? Much less gouge the whole country!

Another unbelievable part of this story is the police weren't going to admit them into the Astrodome because they weren't in an "offical" Greyhound bus. The Red Cross let them in.

Sep 2, 2005

Katrina, you bitch!

Okay, I know with all the suffering that's going on I have no right to complain, but I cannot hold my tongue about this. I just filled up my mid-size sedan and it cost $53.00. Damn...

I must say this concerns me just a tad. Since I fill up once a week that's (counting on fingers and toes) $212 a month or $2544 a year. Fortunately, I can bring my lunch to work instead of eating out or eat chicken instead of steak, but what about the people who're already doing that? What about the kids like my son and daughter who spend their whole paycheck on their car and insurance. What about the people made homeless by hurricane Katrina?

Maybe someday we'll talk about that time gas prices went all the way up to $3.50 a gallon. I can't wait.