Sep 30, 2005

Hey Baby, Wanna Cyber?

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience. n
2. the replication or imitation of biological control systems with the use of technology.

Ummmm…okay. So. Why not in this age of technology get your biological kicks on Route “Info Highway”? What’s the line? “Take a trip and never leave the farm?” Only cybersex lets you come without ever having to actually go anywhere! You don’t even have to shave or put on your good underwear! And even if the person on the other end of your DSL is 87 and flatulent, all he has to do is tell you he’s 6’2”, blue eyed, buff and voila—in your vivid imagination he is.

It’s kinda like an interactive romance novel. Only with an online fling, the hero talks back to you. How cool is that? And YOU don’t have to be YOU either. Tired of being middle-aged? Looking to lose a few pounds? Do you sometimes imagine being single again? Poof! Your stats instantly look like a 20-year-old porn star’s.

Of course some would call this lying…you know, one of the Big Ten. But computers weren’t around when they carved those tired, old rules into stone…right? What’s a little deception in the name of biology and technology?

I’m asking a lot of question, aren’t I?

Anyway, so you have your dreamboat all lined up and tonight is the night. You light a few candles around your computer, pour a glass of red wine and wear something sheer and slinky (okay, so you also wear multi-color striped toe socks because you don't want your feet to get cold—who’s to know?) Prepared for an evening of romance (and, other than a possible computer virus, completely safe sex) you log on...

Her: I thought about you today.
Him: I think about you every day.
Her: Where to tonight?
Him: I thought we’d go to the beach.
Her: Mmmmm. I can hear the seagulls already.
Him: We’re walking hand in hand in the sand. The sun is just setting, but the breeze is still warm across our faces.
Her: My dress is blowing in the wind, exposing my shapely, tanned legs.
Him: I catch a glimpse of your beautiful legs and suggest we stop in a secluded spot. I spread a couple of towels on the sand where the frothy waves ebb and flow near our bare feet.
Her: We sit next to each other and look peacefully out onto the horizon as it grows darker. I can feel you staring at my full breasts which rise and fall with every breath I take.
Him: I put my arm around your bare shoulder and pull you closer. I can smell your fragrant perfume as a strand of your long blond hair brushes my cheek.
Her: Finally, I turn my head to look into your deep blue eyes and see the desire burning there.
Him: I take your mouth with mine...tasting you deeply
Her: My passion soars at the touch of your searing lips on mine...your probing tongue. you can see where this is going. (You didn't really think I'd write the whole thing, did you?)

Of course, having cybersex is A LOT better if both of the parties are writers, involving all the senses, setting the scene, etc. AND it's kinda hard to work up some tingling parts if you're constantly having to hit spell-check.

Warning! It will be difficult to explain the candles and lace teddy to your hubby when he comes to see why you're not in bed yet.

Double Warning! It's probably best to engage in this activity with someone in a different region of the country lest they want to meet and you have to explain that you're really in your forties and your hair is salt and pepper gray.

Triple Warning! You've been honest with your cyberpartner, but now you've decided cybersex sucks and you want to taste each other deeply for real. In that case a whole other hemisphere apart would be even better.

Sidebar: We used to have a Gateway computer and my husband called it the Gateway To Hell...I think he was right.


Hale McKay said...

YOU'RE WELCOME!! Oops, sorry for shouting.
...What the hell happened? One minute we were on the beach...
and suddenly my hair has flecks of gray and my joints ache.
Great post!

Hale McKay said...

That's odd. I have sand in my BVDs - where did that come from?

Karyn Lyndon said...

It's cybersand...

Duke_of_Earle said...

Well, once again I can see why your writing is winning prizes. All your male readers are now panting and trying to decide which coast to drive to looking for that beach.

My Friday was made complete. Ahhhh.


Duke_of_Earle said...

Oh, and was the musical reference supposed to be, "Hey, Baby?"

("I wanna know, if you'll be my girl.")

If so, good one!


Christina said...

Great post! I laughed several times, especially at the part about who might be on the other end. Reminds me of the music video for Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" - if you've seen it you will know what I mean!

And I can't wait to see what next week's musical reference is.

Bill said...

You forgot the 'cyber-ruler' for taking body measurements!! It always reads exactly what you want it to read!

I actually started a book about this once... it's a truly strange place, where people 'fall in love' with folks they've never actually seen, or touched... I've never understood that, although I've seen and heard enough about it to know it's real enough!!

Great post.

(BTW, was that an island beach?)

Karyn Lyndon said...

Duke...I wrote the post BEFORE you requested no song titles...but from now on...

Thanks, Christina...I'll have to check out the video. was an island beach if you want it to be...