Aug 4, 2005

Clothing Optional

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Today, I want to talk about clothes and the part they play in sexual encounters. The way I see it, clothes can go either way in the turn-on process.

The more low-rised, cropped, micro-minied, plunging necklined and all-around body baring, the more attention you'll get. Letting it all hang out seems to be the style these days. Besides, how else are you going to show off all that work you do in the gym, your no-panty line, your boob job, your belly button ring, your tanning booth bronzed skin and your daisy tattoo? It's a look that says "come and get it 'cause I'm almost done!" The problem with this look is it may get you more than you bargained for.

On the other end of the spectrum, there's something very tantilizing about the Victorian era when you had to undo thousands of tiny satin buttons, maneuver around mountains of petti-coats and unlace corsettes to get to the good stuff. I'm reminded of the movie The Piano where Harvey Keitel discovers a tiny hole in Holly Hunter's stockings and the effect is...well...orgasmic.

Sometimes I don't think men understand this. They think it's sexy to shimmy out of their skivvies and jump around all dangley into bed. It's as if they have one thought and one thought alone. "Let's Get Naked!!!"

What is it about men and their inability to unfasten a bra? They are simple hook and eye closures, for God's sake! I unhook mine with one hand every single day. Is it that all the blood normally supplying the fastener part of the brain has traveled to a nether region, thus rendering men hook-challenged? Don't they know that struggling with bra removal tends to slow down all that sexual momentum they gained with dinner and drinks? If I were them I would practice. This is a much more useful skill than juggling tennis balls or twirling a basketball on your finger. Maybe they should develop a video game that strengthens coordination in this area. They could call it...uh...I don't know...Boob Raider?

Wearing sexy lingerie makes women feel more sexy. And according to a man's reaction when you mention a Victoria's Secret catalog, they think it's hot too. But why should we spend mucho dinero on a lace teddy if it's ripped off our bodies in one second flat and tossed on the floor? Come on, caress the silky satin, love the lace, take the straps down with your teeth. I'll leave it to your imagination what to do with the snap crotch. Did you even KNOW there was a snap crotch?


Duke_of_Earle said...


Uh... hang on a minute.


Darn it, I had a great comment all ready to make here, but I got to the part about the snap crotch, and all my blood supply to my brain seems to have gone somewhere else.

Maybe later.


Karyn Lyndon said...

Funny, funny guy...

Anonymous said...

Two words keep going through my mind: snap crotch, snap crotch.

Karyn Lyndon said...

It does have a nice ring to it.

Hale McKay said...

I experienced undies with snap crotches before I discovered the edible variety. I forget are the snap kind fun?

Karyn Lyndon said...

I'm not talking about the plastic pants that go over diapers...although I suppose they could be interesting if you're into that.


Bill said...

Karyn... I've often said that the sexiest thing a woman can wear, is, whatever makes her *feel* sexy!!

'Cause when a woman feels sexy, she just plain is sexy!!

Karyn Lyndon said...

'swhat I'm sayin'!

Nankin said...

Ever try butt floss (thong underwear)? Maybe I'm just too old to adapt, but I think it hurts. That reminds me, I saw a pic of some dude on a beach in CA. He had on a thong suit that consisted of the string up the crack and a pouch. I couldn't stop laughing.

Karyn Lyndon said...

I have enough parts that chafe without adding yet another area...

My theory is, if you don't want panty lines...don't wear 'em!