Whatever Floats Your Boat

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.


Before we get started on today's topic I have to tell you. I'm VERY upset although I knew it was just a matter of time. At work they put up a firewall to Blogspot!!! Not only am I banned from putting a few finishing touches on a post on my break or lunch hour...I can't even read other people's blogs! Ohhhhh the humanity! All day long today I would reach for my mouse to suddenly realize, alas, I'd been cut off from the rest of blogworld. And our new CEO said he would make it a fun place to work. What a LIAR! So far, all we've gotten is a crappy ice machine...big deal. I'd trade a boatload of ice for blogspot access.

Anyway, ahem, where was I. Oh, yes...

FETISHES
First of all, the dictionary says a fetish is something, for example, an inanimate object or nonsexual part of the body that arouses sexual excitement in some people.

Sidebar: Did you know you can take almost any term, add ophilia to the end of it, and voila! You have a fetish.

I ONLY READ THE ARTICLES
Now, I've known what a fetish is for a long time but my knowledge has been greatly increased because of exposure to some VERY educational sites on the Internet. I think you know what I'm talking about. They usually flash bright 4-letter words and naked pics, make your screen percolate with porn pop-ups and cause you to grab for your mouse, clicking the little X in the corner of the window wildly, and cover your screen with both hands at the same time.

PEE FOR TWO
Anyway, I knew there were fetishes...I just had NO idea there were actual clubs you could join so you can hang out with the other people who like, oh, I don't know, rubber pants. And I'm guessing the Internet has made finding people who like to pee on each other ohhhhhhh so much easier! (Maybe the rubber pants and "water sport" people should get together.)

WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE PARENT'S FAULT?
Now then, why do you suppose one person likes to parade in front of a window naked and another one likes to play with feet while someone else wants to be led around by a dog collar and drink out of a dish on the floor? Some conclude that it has to do with an event, from ordinary to horrific that happened at a particularly sensitive time during childhood. Maybe their mother was especially tender when they were wearing rubber pants. Maybe their dog got better treatment than they did.

FETISH INFERNO
While there are some fetishes which are manageable and can be contained in the privacy of your own bedroom, there are others that must include unwilling participants, for example, someone who's turned on by making dirty phone calls. (What did these people do before Alexander Bell? Were there titillating telegrams? Lascivious letters? Naughty town criers?) Relations with a convicted criminal poses several problems unless you live with one. Then of course there's having sex with someone who's asleep...or dead...the list continues to degrade into some double-digit numeral level of hell which I will not go into.

WHAT'S YOUR FETISH? (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Maybe everyone has their own little secret fetish, some weird thing that turns you on above all others and sends you searching online for your special group to belong to. I don't know. Sometimes I feel inadequate writing about things I'm not all that familiar with. In this case I'll be the first one to admit, I'm no expert. I'm merely a wannabe satirist. I don't even have any fetishes...that I know of...unless you count Krispy Kreme donuts. No, I don't think that qualifies. I only use them in the manner for which they were intended. And while they do make me momentarily happy...they don't make me...well...you know....