May 9, 2005

This Week's Writing Assignment

Another Wednesday Critique Group Topic: Rewrite a fairytale from the villain's point of view. Perhaps the Witch had a good reason to eat Hansel and Gretel (she was on an eye-of-newt-free diet),
or maybe the Wolf was just a cross-dresser in Little Red Riding Hood (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Make it one page max (12 pt. Courier double-spaced) and post it here...because there's ALWAYS 2 sides to every story...and it's time the bad-guy told us his.


Duke_of_Earle said...


I felt I HAD to respond to you comment on my blog with a comment of my own, for the readers' sake, of course!

I don't think I'll have time to complete your writing assignment, but it sounds like fun.


Karyn Lyndon said...

Sure you don't have time. You're spending all your time going on and on and on (did I say on?) on your blog about how you didn't find out anything today...

Karyn Lyndon said...

Big, Bad and Blameless

Everyone said that I
huffed and I puffed
They said I was mean
They said I was rough!

But, I’m telling you man,
they’ve got me all wrong!
Just listen to my side
It’s a whole ‘nother song

If you look at my records
you’d see I’m a joker
A lover, a laugher,
and a real heavy smoker

As a matter of fact
I’m quite emphysemic
I can barely breathe
Not to mention anemic

There’s no way on earth
I could blow down a dwelling
I get winded walking
My ankles keep swelling

As far as the straw house
My interest was legitimate
I’m a real estate broker
I just tried to list it

With the wood house I thought
It could use help from me…
On the side I sell siding
With a lifetime guarantee!

My reason for visiting
that last pig’s brick home?
I sell second mortgages
Even pigs need a loan!

As far as the damage
I can't really explain
A big gust of wind?
A low flying plane?

Besides, I would never
Eat a fat little pig!
My LDL is high…
They already call me big!

So give me a break
You know, the pigs could be lying
While I’m just the innocent
Wolf who they’re frying!

Nankin said...

Here's my warped rendition of Little Red Riding Hood.

I want you to know us wolves always get a bum wrap. Take the story about that
Little Red Riding Hood chick. Pure fabrication. It couldn’t be farther from the truth if they’d tried. I think it’s about time I told my side of the story.
Truth is, I was suffering from a major case of hemorrhoids that day when along comes this obnoxious brat all decked out in her red walking frock and carrying a basket full of goodies. She’s singing (more like caterwauling) some innocuous ditty about going to see her Grandma. I didn’t want a thing to do with her, so I high tailed it out of there in a hurry.
All I wanted was a place to take a load off and stay out of the brat’s way, so I find this little cottage in the woods. It looked like a sweet setup to me. After watching for a while I decided no one was home, so I tiptoed in the back door as quietly as possible. Unfortunately, this big old babe is standing there in her nightclothes. What a shocking experience.
Well, the old bat starts hollering to beat the band, so I try to back out gracefully, bit she wasn’t having anything to do with it. I didn’t know old dames could move so fast. She came at me with a rolling pin swinging and swearing like a sailor.
With all that hullabaloo, I got confused and ran the wrong direction. My back was against the wall and I was about to get brained, so I darted between the old harridan’s legs. Yech!
Apparently, I startled her, ‘cause she jumped ten feet in the air. When she landed, her ankle gave way and Grandma went down like a ship at sea. The old bat cracked her head on the table and she was sawing zzzzzs before I could move.
To make matters worse, (with my superior hearing) I perceive the brat coming through the woods. Quickly, I rolled the old dame behind the sofa, and searched for a plan of escape. Too late, so I ran in the bedroom and grabbed a bunch of the hag’s clothes and put them on. Next I jumped into the bed just in time to hear Red pounding at the door.
Well, what was I supposed to do? I called sweetly in a high falsetto, “Come in dear. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Everything would have been just fine, except Red gets nosy and starts poking at my nose and ears. I hate anyone touching my ears and by now my hemorrhoids are killing me and I went postal. But, I didn’t try to eat the kid like everyone claims.
Let me tell you, Grandma had nothing on me for pitching a fit. I bounced off the walls, the ceiling and the floor. In the melee, Red got knocked over and thumped her butt pretty hard on the floor. So she starts wailing like a banshee.
The racket musta roused the old lady. She starts screaming from the other room and looking for her rolling pin. Thank goodness there was a window in the bedroom. I’ll have you know I was the injured party that day. If I hadn’t leapt through the window, I’d have been a dead wolf with a raging case of hemorrhoids.

Karyn Lyndon said...

Thanks for posting, Nankin! Now we know why the wolf was so irritable...