Jul 28, 2005

Doot, doot, doot...Lookin' At My Back Door

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For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members (or anyone for that matter) in our blogging audience.

TOUCHY SUBJECT

I'm going to go ahead and get this topic out of the way because I'll have to post about it eventually. You know what I'm talking about...it's the back door. (For the sake of this discussion I would like to narrow the topic to two consenting heterosexual adults.)

Now I make no claim one way or the other that I have any experience in this sensitive area. But I do know there are many who have done it, some who enjoy it, others who can only fantasize about it and still others who want to avoid it at all costs.

SODOM AND GOMORRAH

Some would protest saying that you should never treat an output area like an input area. It doesn't "go with the flow." Some would even say it's a sign of the "End Times."

Then there are those who say the human body did not come with an instruction manual so if it feels good, do it. All I know is, it's a sexual topic that can not be ignored, especially when teens are engaging in this activity in order to "save" their virginity.

SIDEBAR

There was a bald-headed HBO comedian who mentioned a pamphlet he received from the American Heart Association warning against back door action after his heart attack. He was going to call the receptionist at AHA and ask if they meant giving or receiving. Cracked me up...

WHY NOT USE THE FRONT DOOR?

I don't know. Maybe sometimes you just want to change things up. Maybe the front door is temporarily out of order. The back door dimensions mean a tighter fit for the person trying to get in. That would explain why it's generally the male who likes to park in the back. As you will notice, the female's sweet spot isn't anywhere NEAR the back door...it's more of a Welcome Mat to the front door.

Note: Since the back door tends to be a really tight fit, lots of lubrication would be in order, especially if you're moving in a really big piece of furniture.

IT'S AN ACQUIRED TASTE

Oral lubrication involves opening the door with your tongue, which can be tricky. I understand the back door has a beefy taste unlike the fishy front door. This makes wine selection during foreplay a bit complicated unless you plan ahead. But a bottle of wine and a talented tongue are a great way to pry the back door open, especially if it's locked up tight. (Rim job sounds like a basketball player's employment description, doesn't it?)

NOT UP YOUR ALLEY?

I figure the man in your life is always going to push for something new and different in the bedroom. So once you give in to one (perverted) act it will just lead to another and another. What's next after the back door? A window? The disappearing stairwell? Or why not just come in through the doggy door??? I think the best thing to STOP THE MADNESS is to purchase (or, in my case, pull out of the bedside table) the largest purple vibrator you can find and tell your man you've decided to let him come in your back door--right after you barge into his...

6 comments:

Mike said...

Hmm, does the end justify the mean? Another song-"Don't It Make My Brown Eye Blue?" Wasn't there and old C&W song "I wanna be your backdoor man"?
As for me, like a dummy computer on a network - this machine is for out put only!

Karyn Lyndon said...

You are a brave soul to comment, Mike. The rest of the chickens have been kinda quiet today.

Bill said...

See, from a different guy's point of view... if I could bring myself to doing that with a girl, then I'm only a hairy step away from being gay and doing the same with a dude. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Karyn Lyndon said...

I think that's a very valid point (and I love the phrase "a hairy step away from being gay")

Hamel said...

My college roommate wanted a tattoo down there that spread across both cheeks. It would read "Exit only. Do not enter."

I have no interest in that, and my wife is so very, very thankful.

Karyn Lyndon said...

There is something to be said for NOT going where no man has gone before.