Lemon Bars, Sidebars and Torture

The barbecue/pool party was a success, largely in part to my hard-working husband who cleaned house and prepared succulent chicken breasts and thighs on his new stainless steel grill
and to all the guests who brought their wonderful side dishes. My particular favorite was this new corn salad my Mom brought with chili cheese Fritos crumbled on top...mmmmm. The lemon bars were a close second.

Since it was overcast and the temps were in the 70s (100 degrees last weekend...if you don't like Texas weather just wait a few days) the hot tub was much more popular than the actual pool (however, it is a known fact that if you turn it up hot enough people will venture into the main pool, lest they become human stew.)

By the end of the evening we were all in the hot tub except my parents who liken putting on bathing suits to some unspeakable torture. (Come on! If I can walk around in a swimsuit ANYONE can.)

Sidebar: My Mom is one of those women who get their hair done once a week at the beauty salon so pool-splashed hair is out of the question. Soooooooo when conditions ARE right for her to get in the pool (perfect temperature, barometric pressure, wind velocity, the moon is in the second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars and it's an hour after she's eaten) she wears a shower hat. Not a swim cap...that would smash her up do! You gotta see this! I'll take a pic next time Jupiter aligns with Mars.

Anyway, it was a fun party. I'm posting a pic of my husband diving into the pool. I've titled it: Torso Man...

Uh Oh...

Blog post will be short today. My husband is giving me dirty looks that I'm on the computer while he's vacuuming in preparation for our pre-Memorial Day Barbecue. Just wanted to tell everyone to have a happy long weekend and keep on blogging!

License Tags in 10 Easy Calls (or what did we do before cell phones?)

My 20-year-old son has Thursday, Friday and Saturday off. But Thursday he's tired from working 4 nights a week (poor baby) and Saturday he has to rest up for his long week ahead (give me a break.) So Friday is his only day to do "chores" (only the bare minimum).

So before I went to work I told him it was "get your expired license plates unexpired" day.

First he told me he was too tired and I reminded him about Friday being his only "quality" day off. I handed him the paperwork and kissed him goodbye.

1. Around 2 p.m. he called me and said he was ready to go. I was impressed! He actually called ME! But it dawned on me he would also need his new insurance card. His old one expired May 6 and I hadn't handed the new ones out yet. (Okay, this part was my fault. What can I say...I've been busy.) So he would have to drive to my work and get it. He said okay. (Such a good boy!)

2. On the way there I decided to call and see if the Tax Office accepted checks...yes with a current driver's license. (No problema)

3. I called my son and he said he'd lost his DL about 3 months ago. (Grrrrr)

4. So I called the Tax Office back and they said they accepted cash. (Wow! What a concept!)

5. So I called my son back to tell him he would have to get cash from his ATM. (Yes, from YOUR ATM)

6. He called me when he got to my office and I met him at the curb with the insurance. (I got another kiss and a hug)

About that time he realized he'd left the license tag paperwork at home. (Yes, you really do need it.) He went back home to get it. Then he went to the bank.

7. THEN he called me from the tax office and said that the line was too long and he'd rather kill himself than stand in a line that long. Then he hung up.

Suddenly, I was taken back to the old AT&T commercial...when you want to reach out and choke someone!

8. I called him and told him that I'd had to stand in that line, his Dad had to stand in that line and as God as my witness...he would too!!! And I hung up.

9. Then he called and said, "but now 8 more people have gotten in front of me."

GET IN THE @#$@%#$% LINE!!!!! (Sorry, surrounding cube mates.)

10. About 30 minutes later he called me back, wanting praise that he'd accomplished his lisence tag chore.

Frankly, me and my dialing finger were just too exhausted.

Next Friday? How many calls does it take to get a Driver's License.

This was brought to you by Cingular Wireless and the Family Share plan.

Sex Toys and Tupperware

For those of you new to the site, welcome! Freaky Friday is the designated day for sex talk on my blog.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

I have a friend who wanted to make some extra money. So I told her (sorta joking) I'd heard of some women who'd made lots of money selling adult "toys" at home parties kinda like Mary Kay and Tupperware. On the news there was a very successful "vibrator purveyor" (wow, that has a nice ring to it) in a small Texas town who had to move because it was against the law to transport more than six "toys" at a time through that particular county. We laughed about it and made some jokes about having a couple of boxes of those in your SUV along with the soccer team cupcakes. "Is that a dildo in your trunk or are you just happy to see me?"

The next thing I know, my friend's calling me up, asking if I want to host a Passion Party.

Well, uh, NO!!!

I don't want to invite my friends over to look at those battery-operated objects 'd pleasure! It's bad enough blogging about it in semi-anonymity. (At least you can't SEE my face turn red.) I think she was a little miffed when I told her I was really busy right now, since it WAS my idea. (Someday I'm going to learn to keep my mouth shut.) But she gave me a catalog and told me to let her know if I wanted anything.

Well, gee...what are these things, anyway? They're very pretty. Colorful plastic probes and egg-shaped devices that promise all kinds of miraculous bedroom improvements. But...I thought that's why I give up half of my king-size bed and wash dirty work shirts for...

Do I really need something that "feels like real" when I have access to something that IS real? I mean, it'd be different if I was single...

And some of these things look like animals. I can't say that I've EVER had a fantasy about an elephant...especially not a purple and pink one.

And then there are all kinds of flavored creams and tingling gels. Maybe I could try one of those? But where EXACTLY do I apply it? And do I apply it beforehand? During? On my husband? Does he put it on me? And do I tell him about it or do I surprise him with slippery, cherry-flavored body parts?

OR do I rub it on the elephant's nose?

I'm Posting This for Elizabeth

CARRIE! CARRIE! CARRIE!

Electronic Hell

Is it just me or has life gotten too complicated? I feel like my husband and I need a technology consultant to come over and analyze our personal technology, and make some recommendations.

Do we have the right cell phone plan?
Why does my computer have a phone line all its own...with its own call notes? And do I have the right Internet provider?
Cable or Satellite?
My husband had to reconfigure our garage door opener because there's a new device that reads your code and then opens your door. He realized this when he discovered the edger and weed whacker were gone.
The TV/VCR/DVD/Satellite remote control situation is completely out of CONTROL!
The water sprinkler's on a timer, the pool's on a timer, but we finally purposely broke the timer on the oven because it buzzed whenever it felt like it.
We have to unplug the smoke detector when we cook...so we eat out.
We got a new built-in microwave and use the old built-in microwave to hold saucepans for storage.
I was charged a $25 late fee because I can't pay my Target bill online because I have a Mac.
With online billpay why don't the check companies realize we need more deposit slips and less checks now?
We changed banks recently because we wanted FREE everything like everyone else was getting. Now, how do I coordinate changing the direct desposit of my payroll check with the direct withdrawal of my house payment?
I suggested we go ahead and get a divorce since we have 2 bank accounts now. It might be easier. Of course, he wants the free one.

There's one little device that makes the rest of my electronic hell worth it...The Toll Tag...God I love that little thing. (That reminds me, I need to call and update the toll tag to the new car, and the toll tag charge to the new debit card. Ahhhhhhhhh!)

While John Was Mowing (or dueling poetry)

While John was mowing his jungle-like acreage
And talking to the devil about Victorian hell
I was in Dallas staying cool and collected
Under a blue sky as clear as a bell

Yes it was hot, almost up to one hundred!
Without any wind...not even a breeze
And since it was May I wasn't quite used to
The high humidity and elevated degrees

So how is it possible that I could remain
Relaxed, refreshed and ever so cool?
Because as I looked at the brash sun above me
I was flat on my back, floating 'round in my pool.

I lounged and I swam and I splashed there all day
Drinking wine coolers and acting all flirty
Of course I didn't burn--I am smarter than that!
Rubbing my body with SPF Thirty

What about the grass? How did it get mowed?
I wouldn't be caught dead doing anything like that!
The fact is I sleep with the yard man quite often
He trims the front bushes and also pets my cat.

The pool is high maintenance to keep crystal clear
So how do I manage without going in debt?
I also bed the pool man on a regular basis
He makes everything so deliciously wet!

You might think my poetry has turned a bit dirty
With sexual innuendo running rampantly HOT
The fact is the yard- and the pool-man's my husband
Keeping everything spiffy. But a cat? There is not...

:)

A Man's Point of View on Sex

There's an interesting article over at Code, Code World where Bill talks about "maturing" bodies. Check it out!

MY PARENT'S 50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
They almost let it slip by un-announced, but my daughter found out. So now we're doing a party today.

OMG!!! 50 years? Can you imagine? I've been married 28. That means I'm only half-way through...lol...if we live that long.

I really admire my parents. They both have active, full lives, are relatively healthy and are still very much in love. They kiss every time they part, they spoon each other all night long, and they rarely fight. (Bickering does not count as fighting.) When I asked my Mom to reveal the secret to their successful marriage, she laughed and said, "Separate TV rooms."

The First Time You Made Love

ANNOUNCING...

I've decided to designate Fridays as the day I will post about sex. I considered Wednesdays (hump day), which would be the obvious day to choose. But since I was in the mood to write about sex today (and I hate being obvious)...well...now you know how my mind works.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for younger members of our blogging audience.

Today's sexual topic is: The First Time You Made Love

I'm sure everyone has fond (or not so fond) memories of that special time and place in your life when you lost your virginity. My husband still gets angry eyes when I mention my high school sweetheart's name (Brent). I suppose I should feel bad about not saving myself for my wedding night, but I don't. (Even now I would hate to think anyone gets married so they can fulfill their sexual urges.)

It was a very special time in my youth and I cherish those memories. Yes, we were young...17. But it was after the advent of the Pill (and I had enough sense to be on it) and before AIDS, so you can see what a magical time in history it was. And your chance of avoiding those other pesky sexually transmitted diseases from another 17 year old virgin was very good.

When I think about it now, I'm surprised we knew what to do. But I guess because we'd been dating since the 9th grade (this had to be the longest foreplay in history) we'd climbed every mountain except one...or would that be a valley? So it was a natural progression. Anyway, I remember it being very nice, well as nice as it can be in your twin bed, hurrying before your Mom gets home from work. But, you know, after a while, the whole "where and when will we do it next and will we get caught" adrenaline rush becomes just as addictive as the sex itself. And once you start...well...there is NO turning back. Not that we ever even considered it.

I guess the most "daring" place we "did it" was in the practice room in the High School band room. Second was out in a field at my grandparents ranch. Of course there were the standard car back seats and my room...(only child, both parents worked.)

There was one thing I hadn't counted on. You see, we were in love...had been for a long time. And we had expressed that love in every way possible. So when I went away to college and he stayed home, and found someone else, well, it was almost like getting a divorce...only my support system didn't understand that. There was no hand-holding and help to get back on my feet like you would get during a real divorce.

It really, really hurt.

But anyway, I digress. Anyone brave enough to tell about their first time? Come on...you can post anonymous if you want.

I Never Talk About Work...

...that's because I honestly don't have anything to complain about. It's a great place to work (the beautiful surroundings, the state-of-the-art equipment, the warm, friendly associates, the above-average cafeteria...)

Being in a creative field I'm given the opportunity to express my creativity through my work and in some "above and beyond" projects. Upper management is open to new ideas and "processes". Because of technological advances, my job has changed enough so that it's always a challenge. AND I get to write for a living.

Soooooooooo, for blog copy, that makes for some pretty boring stuff...sorry. I'll never bring it up again.

I Wrote Today!

I know...I write almost every day in my blog. But I mean I actually made progress (4 pages) on my work in progress Spoiled Rotten. I will feel so much better when this is finished. It's in pretty good shape for a first draft. I don't think it will need much editing. It helps to have 2 critique groups. One meets every Wednesday at lunch, the other meets once a month on the weekend. CurvyKathy31 is still with Berkley for consideration as far as I know.

ROMANCE WRITER'S CONVENTION
I hear everyone on my chick lit groups talking about their plans for attending and I feel sooooo left out. I spent $800 last year and I didn't have to pay for airfare. Since I already have an agent I would really just be going to socialize with the other writers so I'm afraid Reno is out of the question. Maybe next year I can make it to Atlanta.

UPDATE ON DAUGHTER
She's seeing her old boyfriend again. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean I can pick out one of those cakes over at Duke of Earle's blog. She also got some really good news today. When she told the owner of her dance studio she'd gotten a part time job, the owner asked her to work full time. She was sooooooo happy to say "yes"...and so am I. I can't wait to tell her father (he's asleep right now) that she's working full time so I don't have to hear him bitch about it anymore. Now, if I can just convince the owner of the studio to give her some medical benefits...lol

The Fridge Tag Is Propagating

You'll find one high achiever over at Blog d'Ellison
who is supporting the Fridge Tag cause.
Thank you, Mr. Elisson.

Ode to a Fridge

Duke of Earle over at Romantic Ramblings wrote this. It was so freakin' cute I had to post it here, too:

I opened up my fridge to look,
my camera in my hand.
In Karyn’s tag, a picture
and a poem she did demand!

This poem will be the easy part;
I write them all the time.
(Tho’ some would scoff and claim
the words I use don’t really rhyme.)

But hey! We’re talking food and stuff,
like meat and cheese and apple.
I mean, how hard can rhyming be,
with products like this Snapple?

I checked the jars of pickles,
and the milk, and Dr. Pepper.
But then I saw tortillas,
old and shrivelled like a leper.

My God! How long has some of
all this stuff been hiding here?
And what was that? Did I just see
some movement in the rear?

I need to move some things around
and see what’s lurking there.
Is that a piece of fruit? It’s green—
and growing purple hair!

Let’s leave that shelf and check this drawer—
why won’t the damn thing open?
I’ll just pull harder. UGH! Oh darn.
I think it just got broken.

A little super glue will have it
fixed in no time flat.
Looks like a piece is missing.
Hmmm. I wonder where it’s at.

It might have fallen down behind.
I’ll reach and hope for luck.
My fingers won’t quite fit in there.
Oh, no! My hand is stuck!

I’ve got to free myself before
my fingers get frost-bitten.
This thing is awfully cold down here.
I wish I’d worn a mitten.

It’s like a louver, must be where
the air moves past the fan.
I’ll use this fork to pry
the damn thing open if I can.

Oh, hell, I dropped the fork inside.
The fan is clanking wildly!
Carol will be really miffed
(and that’s putting it mildly!)

I’ll reach around behind and pull
the cord to stop the motor.
Ah, there! I got it. OH MY GOD!
Why is it spewing water!?

I must have pulled the plastic hose
that feeds the ice cube maker!
I can’t stand up. My hand is stuck.
I’m kneeling in a lake here!

The water’s rising, I can’t move!
I think I might just drown!
But what was that? Out in the driveway?
Did I hear a sound?

It must be Carol coming home.
She’ll save me without fail!
What’s taking her so long? Did she
walk out to check the mail!?

She’s finally here, and turned
the water off before disaster.
(I told here there’d be less to clean
if she had come in faster.)

So now the fridge is broken,
water through the house has flooded.
My fingers, though not broken, all are
bruised and cut and blooded.

My camera has been ruined
by the water on the floor.
So there will be no pictures
for you bloggers to adore.

The steam’s now rolling from my
dear wife’s ears, just like a fog.
She’s learned I made this mess
because of something on my blog!

Fridge Tag

Okay, here's the deal. Take a pic of the contents of your refrigerator (as it is right now) and post it on your blog. If you're digitally challenged then you can describe the contents of your fridge in poetry form (or a combination of pic and poem for you high achievers). Then you must tag three bloggers to do the same. I have two refrigerators:

The one inside is nice and clean
With lots of food to choose
The one outside is kinda gross
And mostly full of booze

HERS


HIS


Click on the pics to zoom in.

Celebrating One Thousand (and nine) Blog Hits!

I'd like to thank everyone who made this day possible. You've all proved that just one little click can make a difference. Onward and upward to 2000 hits...keep on clicking!

In honor of hitting the thousand mark (and because I got the idea from Michelle's blog Windspirit) I would like to declare May 16-22 International Show What's in your Refrigerator Week for bloggers. I know...let's make this a meme! And if you are digitally challenged (come on, even my phone has its own digital camera) then you can describe the contents of your fridge in poetry form (or a combination of pic and poem for you high achievers). Then you must tag three bloggers to do the same. Oh boy, that can only mean one thing... More propagating! (I have to wait till I get home later today to take a pic of my fridge.)

Multi-Media Wedding

We went to a wedding Saturday night and it was quite beautiful.

But there was a new wrinkle to this wedding (or maybe I don't get out much.) Before the processional a video screen came down in front of the altar and they began to play a slide-show-esque video with pictures of the bride and groom from infancy up through their dating days. The best way to describe it--very "senior show". Don't get me wrong...it was extremely moving...not a dry eye in the house and the bride hadn't even walked down the aisle yet...

On a side note I had informed my heathen daughter and husband before we arrived that Church of Christ doesn't believe in musical instruments and not to be shocked at the lack of organ or piano accompaniment. When they asked "why?" I explained that the bible states you should "lift your voices" not your pipe organs. I'm not sure if that's the reason Church of Christians shun the blameless baratone and the innocent sax (not even a harp? the official instrument of heaven?) but it sounded good at the time.

So of course, as the video screen came sliding down and the acapella music began to blare through the surround sound speaker system set up in the church, my daughter leaned over and whispered, "does it say anything about the use of electronics in the bible?"

She had a point.

But I wasn't really listening. I was already planning the multi-media presentation for her wedding. I have the cutest baby pictures... Wonder if our church has a video screen? Oh wait, we don't have a church. We need to get one.

Top Ten Ways To Insure The Big "O"

For those of you not familiar with my blog conversations with Brenda Bradshaw and Duke of Earl...the topic of sex has come up and been tossed about. So to spice things up over at my blog I thought I would write about something STEAMY HOT.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** This is sexually explicit material and the advice given is strictly from my own experience. What works for me may not work for other women and I welcome their input.

I'll never forget. It was the year Clinton made talking about oral sex acceptable lunchroom conversation at work that I found out I was the ONLY one at my table who actually had vaginally-induced orgasms. Every one of the other ladies required oral stimulation to the point of ecstasy. I was shocked!

I can't even remember a time I had to fake an orgasm with my husband. And because of that I consider myself VERY lucky. That's because I can usually tell before we even start if it's not going to happen for me and I'm honest with him about it. And then most of the time he doesn't want to pursue it if it means only his pleasure. He's even turned down some perfectly good b.j.s I've offered to wait when the time is right for both of us. (I know...it's sweet and I love him for it.) It helps that we have relatively equal sexual appetites and that he is an extremely talented lover, especially with long, slow foreplay.

Okay, so that said, let's begin...

10. Don't just get naked and jump in bed. Start the lovemaking process before you're in the bedroom. Play footsie at dinner. Make out like teenagers in the car. Undress each other, kissing and touching down the hallway.

9. It's not a race. Quickies are for sex in a closet with a stranger. If you don't have time to do it right...don't do it at all. Also, don't say anything like "let's get this over, we're burning daylight."

8. Compliments help a woman feel sexy. Note: they must be sincere and meaningful to the moment. "I really loved your tuna caserole last night, honey" is not a good example.

7. It's not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean really is true. And a slow, steady pace can be more effective than erratic pounding. And to Brenda's point...if the act is so physical that you're dripping sweat on your sweety...maybe you're working too hard.

6. Less is more. I know this is a hard concept for a guy who thinks if you can't fix something with a tool, a couple of kicks and throwing it across the room might work better. I'm reminded of my husband trying to insert a contact into his eye. Pushing quicker with more force doesn't always work.

5. Make some noise. Let her HEAR how turned on you are by what you're doing to her.

4. Tongue action of any kind is good: Teasing, twirling, tickling, licking, bathing, vibrating, plunging and all-around lapping up. Yeah, any of those.

3. Fingers are good, too. Touching, caressing, probing fingers can be just as erotic as a tongue...and you have 10 of them!!!

2. Never underestimate the power of a nipple. Lots of tongue action up there can REALLY pay off below. There is a direct line of "zowie!" from the nipple to the sweet spot that I think a lot of men don't understand.

And the most important way to insure the big O is...The higher you are on top of her the better. If your aim is straight in, you're not hitting the sweet spot. Come up...higher...higher...ahhh, that's it. Right there...

And one last thought for after the ecstasy...don't just toss her a towel and roll over. Cuddling afterwards is a must and almost as important to a woman as the big "O"...maybe even more. Not me, though. I want my O and cuddle, too.

Naming Another Novel

A suggestion I made on the chick lit board was picked by the marketing department at Berkley for Alesia Holiday's new book (working title: "Murder by Mass Tort").
Here's what her e-mail said:

Guess what the title of my first legal thriller will be?? That's right -- Blondes have more Felons -- and you're the one who suggested it!! Please let me know if Karyn Lyndon is the correct spelling of your name as you want it in my book!! Thanks for the great title idea - everybody in marketing loved it.

Of course, there are no actual felons in the book, but I'm guessing I can fix that . . .LOL.
hugs,
Alesia

I don't believe I've ever had the priviledge of being acknowledged in acknowledgements...so, of course, I'm thrilled.

I will post the cover when the art is ready for Blondes Have More Felons. Needless to say...I CAN'T WAIT!!!
In the meantime I'm reading her award-winning chick lit novel, "American Idle"

Request For A Full Manuscript

Today I got a phone call

(and for those of you not in the writing biz, you WANT a phone call. Mail is usually bad news.)

Anyway I got a call (at work, no less) from an agent requesting a full (the term used when they want the whole thing) of my chick lit novel. I was in shock, tongue-tied and suddenly unable to calculate simple math. As I came to my senses, I realized, I already have an agent (who's doing a great job of getting it read by New York publishers...what more can I ask?)

I asked the woman when she received my query letter and she said it was dated August 2004...JEEZ!!!!! I could be dead by now... She further explained that she'd been busy. I'll say! It took her 9 months to open her mail??? Just another real-life example of how the wheels move ever so slowly in the publishing arena.

Anyway, she was very nice and told me to let her know when the book is published so she can buy a copy. Yeah, right...let's all hold our breath...

This Week's Writing Assignment

Another Wednesday Critique Group Topic: Rewrite a fairytale from the villain's point of view. Perhaps the Witch had a good reason to eat Hansel and Gretel (she was on an eye-of-newt-free diet),

or maybe the Wolf was just a cross-dresser in Little Red Riding Hood (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Make it one page max (12 pt. Courier double-spaced) and post it here...because there's ALWAYS 2 sides to every story...and it's time the bad-guy told us his.

A Hallmark Holiday

I know it's a commercial holiday but you've got to love it (if you're a mother.) My husband is in the other room vacuuming, we're having both mothers over (and children) for brunch. More later. Maybe I'll get a couple of digital pics.

Okay, back again.
Mine and Steve's moms...aren't they cute!

Mom and my flowerbed...

Yeah, I got something too...

This is the GOOD child...
(Son works nights so he was asleep.)

I've Been Turd Tagged???

Okay...I have to blame this on Brenda Bradshaw (that's right...that's Brenda Bradshaw with 2 Bs) Here are the rules for the turd tag:
1. Write a four line poem with the 1st and 3rd lines being "turd in a punch bowl"
2. Make lines 2 and 4 rhyme, using any topic.
3. Pass along to 3 unsuspecting punchdrinking bloggers and make them put it on their blog site.

Here's mine:


Bloggers, bloggers everywhere
Turd in the punch bowl
Blogging as without a care
Turd in the punch bowl

Where will all this blogging end?
Turd in the punch bowl
When everyone's my blogging friend?
Turd in the punch bowl

Maybe I should invite them over
Turd in the punch bowl
Soon there would be no one sober
Turd in the punch bowl

What a party it would be
Turd in the punch bowl
As everyone gets more punchy
Turd in the punch bowl

Would they see what's in the punch?
Turd in the punch bowl
Would they start to lose their lunch?
Turd in the punch bowl

Before they all begin to shout
"Turd in the punch bowl!!!"
I'd have to fish the damn thing out
Turd in the punch bowl

I'd reach right in (oh, how uncouth!)
Turd in the punch bowl
See, it's only a Baby Ruth!
Turd in the punch bowl

Okay, so what can I say?
I seem to have gotten carried away.

By the way...

John

Chenoah

Katydanzer

You're IT!!!!

: )

What's the deal with this weather?

(said like Seinfeld) I mean, come on. It's freakin' May in Texas
and we're 15 degrees below normal. I heard it snowed in Amarillo yesterday (which brings to mind the words "yellow snow"...never mind.) Anyway, I'm ready for it to get hot.

I've Been Tagged (thanks, John)

The instructions are: “You choose three things from the list below and finish the sentence or the thought. Then you tag three other bloggers and the thing propagates.”

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a painter
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn-keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a back-up dancer
If I could be a midget stripper
If I could be a proctologist
If I could be a TV talk show host
If I could be an actor
If I could be a Jedi
If I could be a mob boss
If I could be a back-up singer
If I could be a CEO
If I could be a movie reviewer
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any court in the world
If I could be any current famous political figure (or married to one)

Okay, let's see...decisions, decisions.

If I could be a CEO I would let everyone in my company have 4 day work weeks and park in visitor parking. I would also let them write in their blogs during work hours and make systems support tear down all fire walls.

If I could be a back-up dancer I would have a fabulous body and see myself on MTV.

If I could be a musician I would write the songs that make the whole world sing.

Okay, now I have to tag three bloggers.

Katydanzer
Brenda Bradshaw
Dorothy Thompson

You're IT!!!!

Nevermind...It's Back Now

Whew! I had no idea how attached I was to it till I thought it was lost forever. Must have just been a little blog in its throat, or maybe it got sent to the bloghouse. Anyway it's back and I will have to remember not to take it for granted.

My Blog is Missing!!!

Does anyone know where it went? I miss it very much.

It's a Topsy-Turvy Upside-Down World (or how to buy a car)

I didn't blog yesterday because I bought a car, which I've decided no matter how prepared you are, is an all-day event. Now this car purchase was more painful than usual because I was upside down in my three year old Taurus. For those of you car buying virgins and independently wealthy, upside down means you owe more for the car than it's worth, which I believe includes just about everyone in America the moment you've driven the car off the showroom floor. (Does anyone ever actually drive one off the showroom floor? My charcoal gray 2005 Nissan Altima with leather interior, Bose sound system and electric everything was on a side lot and needed some spit and polish before I could drive her away.)

Anyway, back to upside down. The reason I was upside down was when I financed the Taurus three years ago I was upside down in my trade-in, and the trade-in before that, and the trade-in before that and on backwards into infinity. (Where does the upside down madness end?) On top of that, last year I received over $5,000 worth of hail damage which State Farm wrote me a check for...and I subsequently spent. (Don't ask me on what, because I honestly do not know.)

So now, not only is my new car finance guy rubbing his grimmacing face about my upside-down-ness from upside-down cars past, but about the extensive hail damage which God smite my beautiful shiny black Taurus with. But do not despair! If you continue to say "I can't pay that much" and try to leave, the car people will grimmace, do some more calculations, talk to their manager, adjust the trade-in value (maybe it wasn't that hail damaged after all?) until they finally find a payment you can live with. (Don't worry about the interest or how many years.)

So here it is, in all its glory and EXTREME upside-down-ness:

Next time we'll talk about Gap Insurance. (I'll give you a hint...it doesn't involve insuring you have Khakis and Polos in your wardrobe.)

I would like to thank Tony Cannon at Bankston Ford in Frisco, TX. I didn't buy from him but he was VERY close to a sale. Alas...the new car smell beckoned. If you ever need a used car Tony will make you a GREAT deal, I promise.

Also, thanks to Courtesy Nissan at Campbell and Central and especially Michael Lewis who made my car-buying experience as painless and quick as possible. It's a very classy place to buy a new Nissan.

Note: This is not a paid advertisement.